Jokes / Joke du jour!

Bob geldof and midge ure have decided to come out of retirement and write a charidee single for people working in the bed industry who are less fortunate than ourselves
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' duvet know it's Christmas ? ' will be released shortly

A friend of mine went to buy a new bed and the sales person asked if they would like a spring mattress ?
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My friend replied ' no I want one I can use all year round '

I think we might need a blanket ban on pun-based jokes

Rash. Maybe sleep on it

What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?

A labracadabrador.

Is that it, three bed jokes?

I was hoping it would be a four-poster.

The myth that bed jokes always come in fours has been largely de-bunked.

I just bought myself a toilet brush last week.

Long story short, I'm going back to toilet paper.

Which hand do you use ?

Reminds of the time i tried toilet duck.

I always had more luck with a normal one.

Lol

I’ve been teaching my dog to bring me wine.

He’s a Bordeaux Collie

I hope you’re not sensitive to dog odour as collies can be a little sommelier.

I’m always trying to get my dog to bring me different drinks, but all he does is whine.

Which flowers grow under your nose...

... tulips

Excellent. If anyone can come up with a dog related bed joke then it would be on trend .....

I know a dyslexic agnostic insomniac who lies awake every night wondering if there's a dog.

Hehehe, caught up with the last few pages. Chuckles.

I can't stand Russian dolls - they're so full of themselves.

Did you hear about the tiny clairvoyant who escaped from prison?

There's a small medium at large

Not just one, there have been several recently...

There's an XS of small mediums at large, because they XL at squeezing through the bars.

Went up to a lady at the airport and went:

"Cluck cluck cluck. Cluuuuurrk cluck cluck".

She said no sir, this is the check-in desk.

😳

When Lord Nelson died he was but 5 feet tall. But on his Column in Trafalgar Square his statue is 15 feet tall. That's Horatio of 3:1.