Jokes / Joke du jour!

I went to the zoo recently and saw a baguette in a cage. I asked the keeper, what is a baguette doing in a cage? Turns out it was bread in captivity.

(stolen from the Guardian)

Knock knock.
Who's there?
The.
The who?
I can't explain.

I read a fascinating book over the weekend
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'The complete history of Spanish sparkling wine'
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It was such a riveting read, I read it Cava to Cava

I've just read an absolutely wonderfully well written book about the history of Italian sparking wine...
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Yes the prosecco-ed around my head

I'm champaign at the bit to read more sparkling wine jokes...
(Sorry:(

My brother tried to make coconut wine but he broke his ankles.

from r.4 this week

what does a house wear ?
address

I've got a transvestite friend who lives just outside of Manchester.

He's got a Wigan address.

:-D

I gave all my dead batteries away today, free of charge.

A couple of my pals were recently trying to get high on things they had laying around.
One was drinking battery acid, the other was dismantling fireworks and snorting the powder.
The police ended up arresting them both.
One was charged, the other let off.

Trumpet.jpg

"Reminds me of a bassist we used to mock for his timing. We upset him so much he ended up throwing himself behind a train"

Was sent this, made me laugh

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I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night

I should have put it on aloha temperature

Do you listen to Athletico Mince?!

Sadly, I have never heard of it.

Ha, ok. It's a podcast with Bob Mortimer and a character he was playing told that joke recently

You know what is whisky?

Wussian woulette.

Dibs.

superdooper

How do you think the unthinkable?

With an itheberg.

I accidentally took the cat's medicine this morning. Don't ask meow.

I found out today that I’m colour blind.
It came completely out of the green...

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