Jokes / Joke du jour!

Good stuff all. 😎

What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his foot?

Mitosis!

I'm not saying it's hot here, but two hobbits just threw a ring into my back garden.

I've decided to semi-retire from walking across hot coals.

Well, we all need to reduce our carbon footprint.

(Heard today from the member of a brass band performing a free concert in Greenwich Park as they were about to perform a classic tango number...)

"Mike [conductor] actually met his wife [trombone player] at a castanet class. They just clicked."

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels

Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy? I hear you ask..

Whenever someone says, ‘I don’t believe in coincidences or religion.’ I’m like, ‘Oh my God, me neither!’

I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves..

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It turned into a field

Combine havesters? That would make a hell of a big restaurant

In a recent survey six out of seven dwarves said they were not Happy

Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?

Me: I Excel at it.

Boss: Was that a Microsoft Office pun?

Me: Word.

Good to hear the crystal palace band still using the same old repertoire.

I saw a documentary on the tellybox, how ships are kept together. Riveting

It was a hull of a show!
"Oarsome" as my wife described it.

What's blue and doesn't weigh very much?

Light blue.

I tried to write a sonnet about a checkout girl but it didn't scan

i bought a dog from a blacksmith yesterday, this morning he made a bolt for the door..

Need some meat puns; for a burger vans name. whatchagotforme

High Steaks
The Offal Truth
Van Shanks
sorry

Good start keep them coming

Two favourites have always been.

Jason Donervan.
Only Food and Sauces.

Murder she drove.

Stick the cattle on
patty wagon
The steer on wheels
Daily grind
The cattle griddle
The cattle drive
Check out my meaty buns