Tales from the school yard.

cranking the heat on the incubator, killing the fruit flies

Those poor bastards, they could of lived a full and rewarding life for at least 24 hours more.

We did the same test in chemistry.

The teacher gave us little bottles of clear liquid and told us that each group could go home early as soon as they had correctly identified it. Everyone spent the afternoon diligently trying to apply whatever lessons we’d been learning for the last few weeks but no one got it.

At the end of the class the teacher gave us a bollocking and said we were all useless drones who just followed instructions without stopping to think. “I was hardly going to give you anything dangerous, was I... if only one of you idiots had just tasted it we could have all gone home an hour ago!”

Damned if you do, dammed if you don’t.

Same teacher also encouraged us to taste the almost pure ethanol we’d spent an afternoon distilling.

The slow death by dehydration of fruit flies seems a bit low key for a psychopath test. Did he do anything a little more dramatic?

TBF with that incident it was more the fact that it trashed the project half the class had been working on for weeks, but the attempted arson and the assaulting someone with a baseball bat were probably greater factors...

Talking of inter-school fights we had a comp opposite us who liked to try it on occasionally by 'invading' our playing fields. Usually there was some long range taunting and everyone went home. They were wary of getting too close to some of the rugby monsters we had hanging around having quickly learnt that private school doesn't equal wimpy toffs.

On one occasion a certain rather impulsive and over enthusiastic individual (later expelled for kicking away the stick of an elderly gent at the local train station) decided that a message needed to be sent. Without any encouragement he lobbed a half brick a good 40 yards which, surprisingly, connected with its target who, unsurprisingly, hit the deck like a sack of spuds.

Ambulance was called once everyone present (about 50 spectators) had agreed to keep quiet and scarper. Brick lobber was baffled that he didn't get any plaudits for this and was thereafter ostracised as a 'nutter' and began a slow death spiral of stupid stunts that ended with the stick kicking incident.

Absolutely nobody came from my school, because it was a shithole

Haha! Same. The only person on my school's wikipedia entry is an old mate of mine who self-published about 20 books in the Sharpe fan-fiction genre, and that's only there because he put it there himself, the mad bastard. I didn't even know he went to the same school as me.

Plenty of creeps, paeds, weirdos etc amongst the teaching staff, obv. We used to get a double-decker bus laid on for us to go to school and we'd all go up to the top deck and swing from one side to the other in concert, to try to rock the bus and maybe tip it over. Don't think we ever managed it, though.

The Modern Studies tutor was reported for feeling up some girls in his class, but didn't lose his job or anyting, he just had to keep his classroom door open at all times. For some reason when me and my three female schoolfriends moved from Livingston to Dundee, this guy ended up at one of our house parties. I still have no idea who invited him.

maybe tip it over.

Don't think we ever managed it

I feel like that'd definitely be something you'd remember :)

Hahah! Fair point. I stopped getting the school bus after one ran over a kid in the car park and squashed him to death, so I don't know what the delinquents who still used it got up to in my absence. I do remember a driver got fired for enjoying the bus-rocking situation a wee bit too much, and deliberately taking corners too fast while singing operatically as the kids in the upper deck were going.

Plenty of creeps, paeds, weirdos etc amongst the teaching staff, obv. We used to get a double-decker bus laid on for us to go to school and we'd all go up to the top deck and swing from one side to the other in concert, to try to rock the bus and maybe tip it over. Don't think we ever managed it, though.

Ha ha ha! Love it!

swing from one side to the other in concert, to try to rock the bus and maybe tip it

On a related topic of practical physics experiments, one of our schoolboy drinking mates, who was in the year below us, made a hobby on drunken rambles home of deliberately exciting resonance in steel lamp posts in order to snap them off. He was also the one who failed to blag into the local night club by forgetting to work out in advance which year he would have to claim to have been born in to back up his claim to be over 18.

It is the only comprehensive school with a rugby fixture against Eton College.

My school was good at sports. From year 9 on, if you were at a good level at a sport the school didn't compete in you were allowed to take the Wednesday afternoon games lesson off to train. My teachers thought I was going out on long training rides but I was actually digging dirt jumps and doing skids in Shirely Hills.

Our only alleged peado handed a girl in my class a suggestive note, he was gone in a week. Our yr7 science teacher was a proper raver: she’d turn up still pinging on Monday’s. She also taught us how to turn up the flame on cheap lighters, bent over in front of the boys a lot and was generally a bit saucy. Don’t think she was yentzing anyone tho.

He was also the one who failed to blag into the local night club by forgetting to work out in advance which year he would have to claim to have been born in to back up his claim to be over 18.

At 15 I once handed my brother's driving license (old paper one with no photo) to the nightclub bouncer (who was my CDT teacher) and tried to keep a straight face. He looked at the license, looked at me, stifled a laugh but still let me in.

..and me.

HRSFC?

I stopped getting the school bus after one ran over a kid in the car park and squashed him to death,

Fuck

One of my mates, exceptionally bright (10 A*s at GCSE) also struggled to remember his fake date of birth. He tried to make it easier by starting with the 1st of Jan but more than once the bouncer had to suggest a year that would make him 18.

We also had a crazy bus (going to Todmorden for those that know it). One day as we were driving behind it the emergency exit window at the back on the top deck popped out followed by a lad flying out head first. Fortunately someone grabbed him by the ankles before he was all the way out and heaved him back in.

The official response was "It's the Tod bus, you expect that kind of stuff".

Some girl in my year once claimed a teach had touched her inappropriately, of course everyone knew it didn't happen, this was very shortly after she got told off for not doing any homework and threatened him that her dad's a lawyer in a big screaming match, that and she was a constant liar and general awful person. The school took it seriously as they should and she ended up writing a letter to make an official complaint but tried to drop it all very quickly when they said she'd have to be a witness in court and there were legal repercussions if she was found to be lying. She didn't even get suspended for that stunt.

HRSFC?

92-94.

No one touched kids where I went to school coz the kids would've killed them.

It may have been somewhat bogan.

Russ Abbot did a stint working for my Dads shop in Chester as a delivery driver

Fucker should've stayed there.

'04-'06 for me.

I've just learnt the same school as David Gilmour, too.

He of

Half of Pink Floyd

fame?

Nothing particularly crazy happened at Sixth Form college, except that we used to bring blue WKD in sports-drink bottles into Physics which was last lesson on a Friday, claiming it was pre-workout. I felt bad because both physics teachers really did try their hardest to educate us but we were young and moronic.

My secondary school made the news because some students tried to steal from Auschwitz whilst on a school trip. Dick move, but couldn't have happened to a more deserving den of arseholes.

Half of the other half.