Quotes from The Simpsons

"if you’re not sure, rub it against a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it’s your window to weight gain.”
– Dr. Nick

"until now, this was the only way you could get juice from an orange"

Homer on the phone to Japanese dish soap factory

Homer - 'Hello? Why am I Mr. Sparkle?'
Factory Worker - 'You like Mister Sparkle?'
Homer - 'Well I am Mr. Sparkle.'
Factory Worker - 'You have many question Mr. Sparkle. I send you premium answer, hundred percent!'

In America first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women...

I thought I had an appetite for destruction. Turns out I just wanted a cheeseburger.

Marge: "homer, is that a Halloween costume?"

"......no"

"to find flanders, I just have to THINK like flanders"

*zooms in on forehead

"I'm a big four-eyed lamo and wear the same stupid sweater everyday"

"THE SPRINGFIELD RIVER!"

"Stupider like a fox!"

"Wont somebody PLEEEEASE think of the children!"

And the best way to give a toast:
"Gentlemen... to evil!"

Just fuck off Jeez.

Lisa, it's your birthday. Happy Birthday, Lisa.

Lisa: Nuke the whales? You don't really believe that, do you?

Nelson: I don't know. Gotta nuke somethin'.

“Dispatch, this is Chief Wiggum, back in pursuit of the rebelling women.” – Chief Wiggum
“Alright. Your current location?” – Dispatch
“Oh, uh, I’m on a road, looks to be asphalt. Aw, jeez, trees, shrubs, I’m directly under the Earth’s Sun . . . now.” – Chief Wiggum

Or what? You'll release the dogs or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark, they shoot bees at you? Well, go ahead. Do your worst!

"People, people, I can assure you that we're using the most
advanced scientific techniques in the field of....body-finding."

That sonata may not have been a Glenn Gould performance but I must say it's "good as Gould."

Mr Burns: My name is Mr Snrub, and I come from... uh... some place far away. Yes, that'll do. Anyway, I say we invest that money back in the nuclear plant!

Smithers: I like the way Snrub thinks!

Mr. Burns: OK, Spielbergo, I want you to do for me what Spielberg did for Oskar Schindler.
Sr. Spielbergo: Schindler es muy bueno, Senor Burns es el diablo.
Mr. Burns: Pish posh! Listen, Spielbergo, Schindler and I are like peas in a pod! We're both factory owners, we both made shells for the Nazis, but mine worked, damn it!

Alien (Mr Burns): I bring you love.
Lenny: It's bringing love, don't let it get away!
Carl: Break its legs!
Lisa: You want an alien? This is your alien.
Alien (Mr Burns): Hello, children - I bring you love.
Willy: Arrrgh. It's a monster. Kill it!
Mr Smithers: It's not a monster, it's Mr Burns!
Willy: Awww it's Mr Burns!...KILL IT!!

"let's use our guns as clubs!"

Hank Scorpio: Ever see a guy say good-bye to a shoe?

Homer: Tee-hee.Yes, once.

People are googling. This thread is now dead to me.

• Bart Simpson, 2014
  

The bacon man lives in a bacon house!

I am so smart, I am so smart, S M R T...