Where are all the cool single guys in London?

• hair in the hoover, matted in balls in your socks so you have a small lump under your heel all day, white fluffy scarf put in with your dark wool wash, curby grips everywhere, combined beauty creams that smell like refreshers but taste foul when you have a cheeky midnight face lick, using a new cup every time tea is made, finding random things she was holding and swapped for something in the fridge, your fitted shirts are now ironed properly, finally being allowed the simple pleasures in life - tea & cigarette with your morning dump, NO MORE FUCKING CUSHIONS to put back as you found them, lids put back on so they don't fly off when you shake the jar, no more low fat spread that no one eats, wearing comfy clothing that's slightly too big - burnt orange is not a manly colour especially in a medium jumper, owning an umbrella for more than it's first use, knowing that where you left something is where it will always be, not having your change gone through and put into 5 different money jars, no more stinky £10 ballet shoes, not having to untangle 20 pairs of tights a week after washing, no more fluffy towels that shed onto your face hair making you look foolish all day, your water resistant clothing isn't washed in conditioner rendering it useless, no more hiding cycling related receipts, knowing how much is in your account because you actually take a receipt from the cash machine, not finding 11 socks in the bed....
  
  
  

I did all the cooking, don't like football and after 3 trips to A&E to have glass removed and stitches applied, I invested in a dishwasher. The beer fridge is now next to the sofa with some Kleenex on top ;-)

No more having to get her down from the countertop with arms full of wine glasses, 6 pint of milk instead of the 2 pinter she could pour, no more carrying her Gladstone size bag to the station, taking taxis not buses, having cold feet put on you at night, crying make-up onto all your good clothes every time a weepy film is on, running out of loo paper because it's in the kitchen, knowing that my gloves, scarves and hats are still in the winter clothing bag and not been used and lost on the underground, having a mans soap that cleans and smells violent, not having someone doodling on your important papers, having my man draw back with only manly things in it,

Ha!
But some of them are actually mine - things I'd do, as I;m more house trained than my wife.
No half eaten stuff left behind, no banana peels on top of my books, no half eaten packets of nuts left in the cupboard ("remember to buy mixed nuts!"), telfon frying pans which are not scratched with a knife, no rugs drying on my bikes, no more hundreds of bottles of half used shampoo cluttering the bathroom,
no hair in the washing machine, no fake nails in the washing machine or bed, full access to the walk in wardrobe, no fake tan or mascara on my pillow, no more hidden platform fucking high heel shoes spread all over the floor I always step on when I want a piss in the middle of the night, no more Jeremy Kyle, no more recorded episodes of Celebrity Big brother, X Factor, You can fucking dance etc. cluttering the hard disc of my Sky box....

This is what I can't understand... I don't watch ANY reality tv, I have one shampoo bottle, a unisex type of shower gel, I like football, and sex, I'm relatively tidy, let guys choose music, have a dishwasher, cook edible meals, rarely drink when going out (so you have a taxi service), don't wear fake tan, no false nails, always match up socks before putting them away, and I'm SINGLE.

Nice self portrait of yourself Oz.

This is what I can't understand... I don't watch ANY reality tv, I have one shampoo bottle, a unisex type of shower gel, I like football, and sex, I'm relatively tidy, let guys choose music, have a dishwasher, cook edible meals, rarely drink when going out (so you have a taxi service), don't wear fake tan, no false nails, always match up socks before putting them away, and I'm SINGLE.

You sound too good to be true??

You sound too good to be true??

All perfectly true. Perhaps I'm too nice?

"wat r u doin"
"eating doritos, drinking tea, watching harry hill tv burp"
"do you want to hang out"
"yes"

WHY THIS NOT HAPPEN?

not having a man to cook is boring

"wat r u doin"
"eating doritos, drinking tea, watching harry hill tv burp"
"do you want to hang out"
"yes"

WHY THIS NOT HAPPEN?

This. I don't think many men go for cannibals surprisingly... :)

I need to stay away from this thread... it's like reverse therapy now.

This is what I can't understand... I don't watch ANY reality tv, I have one shampoo bottle, a unisex type of shower gel, I like football, and sex, I'm relatively tidy, let guys choose music, have a dishwasher, cook edible meals, rarely drink when going out (so you have a taxi service), don't wear fake tan, no false nails, always match up socks before putting them away, and I'm SINGLE.

Im not gonna lie on paper your a winner!

Im not gonna lie on paper your a winner!

Thanks... I scrub up well in real life too ;)

This is what I can't understand... I don't watch ANY reality tv, I have one shampoo bottle, a unisex type of shower gel, I like football, and sex, I'm relatively tidy, let guys choose music, have a dishwasher, cook edible meals, rarely drink when going out (so you have a taxi service), don't wear fake tan, no false nails, always match up socks before putting them away, and I'm SINGLE.

Yeah, but ... do you ride a bike? ;)

Wasn't there a a bit of Hugh Grant around here just now? Or am I still drunk?

Dear God...

Yeah, but ... do you ride a bike? ;)

Cheeky!

I will be out on my bike tomorrow. You never know, I could appear in the Spotted thread.

Wasn't there a a bit of Hugh Grant around here just now? Or am I still drunk?

There was, wvm deleted his post.

Ha! I knew it. That move madeforced me watch ~30min of Notting Hill

Cheeky!

Well, if the ad doesn't answer the most important question ... ? Who cares about all that other stuff? ;)

Wasn't there a a bit of Hugh Grant around here just now? Or am I still drunk?

There was, wvm deleted his post.

Ha! I knew it. That move madeforced me watch ~30min of Notting Hill

Indeed there was. It was supposed to be a funny response to Shoosh's description of herself but after reviewing the post I feared it could have been taken any number of ways including offensively and with that concern in mind I removed it.

This is what I can't understand... I don't watch ANY reality tv, I have one shampoo bottle, a unisex type of shower gel, I like football, and sex, I'm relatively tidy, let guys choose music, have a dishwasher, cook edible meals, rarely drink when going out (so you have a taxi service), don't wear fake tan, no false nails, always match up socks before putting them away, and I'm SINGLE.

People don't know these things about each other until they actualy try and live together.

any luck then????

People don't know these things about each other until they actualy try and live together.

I am far from perfect in a live-in situation and was only half jesting before. It's the little things that make relationship and the things I miss the most. Squeezing the toothpaste from the middle and leaving the lid off, leaving coffee to grow penacillin in a cup under the bed and being a cowardly, cheating, theiving, lieing, evil semi-human who wasted my time are my only real issues.

Its really about the toothpaste though, right?

For me it is. This and the fact she doesn't find Stephen Fry fascinating.

You find him "fascinating"?

Sure. More than Maury. And I know the difference between the Tories and Labour. Roughly.