Warning! - Home Delivery Network and or Yodel - Do not use!

Accidently used my hermes, thought I was getting parcelFarce 48, nope, accidently selected the wrong one on P2G.

Fuck my life how can they be so bad and still be in business.

One week now of them lying about attempting delivery to my business unit, each time they say delivery attempted at 9pm+ at night (i.e. when they've got back to the depot and just marked it as not delivered, then 'select reason for non delivery').
CCTV system on our site is very good, tracks everything that comes in and out and upto 100m up the street. They haven't been here once. Only vehicle that I can't account for is a white BMW 1 series driven by a short person in their 50s who came into the yard once, played with their phone then buggered off again, which I doubt has my parcel, its 2m long and 1m wide and weighs 25kg, pretty sure that ain't fitting in a 1 series.

One of these companies that you can't really phone or email, or even collect from depot. Joy.

I had big worries but my spermes came through when delivering the forks for the acid this week, and actually delivered dad’s fancy running shoes last week too.

Also must be pot luck, as previous drivers were awful from all companies but recently even the ones for Yodel are delivering without much stress.

Fuck sake, delivery supposed to come yesterday could see on the tracker they were a couple streets away in the afternoon.

Check tracker today 'we were unable to locate your property' - let's just say it's a massive tourist attraction in South East London and there is no way on earth you can't find it.

Anyway, only option offered now is to collect from the depo which is 20 miles away in Dartford!

They can literally get fucked!

I live nearby and even know where it is and I struggled to get there :o)

Making slight progress, got a 'CEO' complaint in action, which means probably very slightly more than absolutely zero shits will be given, maybe an 1/58th of a shit will be given by this company.

So far the original normal 'wheres my parcel' process has led to them emailing a depot. A depot that when I rang them (found a secret number on a forum somewhere) a guy with much less than ideal English speaking ability due to incredible levels of intoxication and zero shits to give answered. Conversation was pretty hilarious, wish I'd recorded it for £££tube or something, he seemed genuinely confused how I'd rang him, and then what his job was, and then what building he was in, pretty sure at some point he invited me to the pub. So don't hold out any hope that the email sent by 'senior customer service team member' will mean anything. I wonder if I run my business like that I will still be around even next month yet these guys are still going after many years of fail. Good work hermes.

Hermes strikes again. Marked as not delivered when I was home and no card. Off to spain tomorrow at 4am for a week's cycling and what I ordered was for that. Now I have to try and sort it out when I get there. Cunts

F8uk you yodel, message to say I was drop off 20, between 12:03 and 13:03, just check and now I'm number 73 due for delivery between 19:00 - 21:00.

That probably means that at 9pm you will get "attempted delivery, no answer at address"

My thoughts exactly

Update

At 16:05 package one appeared on the doorstep, no knock on the door, no update on the tracker, still scheduled for 19:00 - 21:00. Check app again, status changed to delivered and signed for...tried ringing yodel and hounding them on twitter. No joy on where package 2 from the same supplier is. Supplier tells me that both packages sent together as one. They go off to investigate. Mrs Axe comes home and asks if I knew there was a box outside...no idea how long it had been there in plan view of everyone walking past., was bit wet after that downpour. Suck fu*kwittery.

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Order out for delivery today via Yodel (source Wiggle). It is 18.40. There are 17 drops to do before mine and it’s a business address that shuts at 18.00. Class.
Update - it is still at the depot (since Tuesday). Yesterday customer services rescheduled for delivery today but it’s not on the van. Webchat mysteriously unavailable so perhaps there’s a flag on the delivery to disable that ability once they think you are just going to moan.
Second update- they lost it. Refund pending.

I've been waiting for a UPS delivery of a refurbished Surface Pro today, imagine my surprise when I got a delivery notification telling me that it had been delivered ten minutes ago to someone called Derek.

I wonder where my package is at the moment? With Derek, presuambly, but he's not at my house

Had two different parcels sent by Hermes, on two different days. Both arrived a few days later un-bashed and totally sound. I was shocked. Service was pretty slow, roughly an entire week, but wow. I expected to be hit by a car on my way out after that luck.

Happened to me the other week. Turned out they’d just left it in a neighbour’s doorway. Signed and handed over, my arse.

Any news on yours?

Not yet - the driver has been back to see me a couple of times, and he's knocked on a few doors up and down the road. He reckons it was a red door with a porch, and the man was old and couldn't walk very well.

My road is about a quarter of a mile long with loads of old terraced houses. I think the parcel is gone forever.

Jesus. This is why I usually get stuff delivered to my shop instead of home.

I was here all day - my number is the last one on the road - I think instead of delivering to the mid hundreds (me), he's delivered to the 70s/80s!

you couldn't make it up

Recently my wife was waiting for a delivery, when the allotted time had just passed she went into the hallway and found a card, the usual ‘we tried to deliver’ bullshit. She called the number given, which was the driver. She’s Aussie, and gave him so much shit he actually came back and sheepishly gave her the parcel.

I suppose the issue is that no matter who you work for, you’re on minimum wage/zero hours bollocks so they really don’t give a tin shit whether you get your parcel or not, something that could be repeated over about 70% of British industry right now.

I've ordered a wrong thing from wiggle and to save me from doing a full return I refused the parcel at the door. Will it eventually go back to the sender?

Yodel: Your package is out for delivery. Your driver is making stop 52 out of 105. Stops before you: 18. Click here to view a map showing the location of your parcel now.

Me: click That's my fucking house.

sorry they missed me

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box next to tree

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Hunt? Nah that don’t need signing for mate. Leave it in the rain, too.

The price we pay for wanting our stuff delivered free, or for next to nothing!

Hunt on the outside, 650c trispoke on the inside!

650c? Chuck it in the hedge.