This morning's commute and other commuting stories

Headwind in failed to provide tailwind home and Friday drivers r deth. On the upside though, was warm enough to ride home in 3/4 baggies without tights under..7/10.

Slowed down to let three people pull out of side roads and one turn across my lane. Got nice smiles from all three. One was very pretty.

Arrived at work to find I'd left my pants at home. Had to wear my bib shorts all day under my suit. Made me look slimmer.

9/10

Package enhancing.

Commando > chamois.

There's something invigorating about having your hog's eye half a mill closer to strangers than "society" says it should be.

I'm a teacher. Can't risk it.

Sunny, warm, considerate road users, much efficiency thanks to freshly pumped tires and tensioned chain. Only a slight headwind to put me off.
7/10

Lovely. Most lights were green. Not as much traffic. Summer kit. Thin gloves. 33 mins door to door with bag full of weekly clothes ..

8.5/10

Destroyed every muscle in my back struggling to put Winter tyres on the silly SUV yesterday.
Totally sleepless night.
Left the house feeling tired and tender. - 6C

4/10

Saw a lady on a purple 'trick' style fixed trackstanding at lights in Crouch End, get undertaken and overtaken by two nodders at the same time through the red, great composure not to kidney punch either of them.

Thats @|³|MA3K partner I believe, i'm not sure what her name is on here.

i wonder how hippys commute was this morning.

#legend

It's KRZ.

Too much clothing today. All this rain and whatnot makes me feel cold, but as soon as I ride, I'm fuckin boiling.

Time to get a Gabba.

Spent almost my entire ride just behind a truck with RI PRM as it's reg. Seemed to have worked much better than any stay back stickers. Good weather and stuff.

5/10

Cheap waterproof over long sleeve tee worked against the drizzle without getting all boil-in-the-bag. Nice chat about routes with a fellow rider. Nice sprint with a spokked up dude..

8/10

Someone pulled a knife on me on after nearly running me over by turning off of St Georges Circus from the right hand lane while I was in prime on the left. Had to bail out a turn early to avoid being road kill.

I dropped a standard issue UFUCKENWOTM8 through his window, then jumped off on the central reservation so I could turn back on track.

He stopped in the middle of the rush hour traffic and rolled his window down to enquire who I was UFWMing at "WHODFUKRUSWEARIN@UFKNCNT.R.U.SIKBRUVVV!!?"

I returned with RUFUKENBLINDTHO!!!!?

This went back and forth for about 20 seconds, he then opened the door and put one foot out while his passenger was performing the hold him back manoeuvre -HOLDMEBAKBRUUUUUVVVVVVVOMYDYYYZZZZ-

I unclipped my helmet? I don't know why, maybe just to signify that the sick beef was on?

All the time we we're still rawly cussing each other "YOU'REMUMBRUV" / "NO-YOUR-MUMBRUV"

Then POW from the glove box he pulled a long enough knife and held it through the open window and shook it at me "RUMADCUZ!? It definitely wasn't from the picnic set, unless he was a fishmonger.

I unclipped my Chrome Bravo (TM) sofixeh and grabbed my Abus 360 Mini Gold Rated d-lock and shook it around in his face "FUKENDLOKYUSSS".

We then spent the next 10 seconds asking each other "WOT" confirming that we were both moists and weren't going to do anything.

As traffic behind was only going nuclear melt down at this point the pressure was all on him, so he gave up, slammed the door and drove past shouting something. Only for him to just be in earshot enough to get a last "DIKHEDDDD!"in.

I got back on my bike and went home.

7.6/10 would argue again.

The end.

By Antidotes, age 8.

Well I was about to post that someone complimented me on my beik on waterloo bridge but then I got locked out so am holed up in cycle ps 6/10 but yeah, not as cool as yours.

uwot?

asking each other "WOT" confirming that we were both moists and weren't going to do anything.

Byootiful.

Still - call plod and have the fucker arrested for going tooled up. Just having a knife is an offence, and jail time is mandatory.

Locked out.... loooonngggg.

Riding a grey Mercier by any chance?

errr, ufknwotm8?

Antidotes
Mad post! 'moists' is def' now a forum share, thanks for that.

You should have tolchocked the windscreen and rode through the backed up traffic salmon-style. Couldashouldawoulda.

I lol'd bruv.

But as @TW so sagely says, you should report the fucker to the police.

Ah I really wasn't on the ball, I didn't even think about getting licence plate deets :/

Was riding through Brockley about 5 months ago coming from @monkdagola pad and a kid came bolting out of a house and a big old knife fell out of his pocket in front of me, I pretended not to see and cracked on, but up the road I was straight on the 101. Then while I was on the phone to the popo this guy with an infinity of glass bottles came running up the road smashing one every couple of yards "I'M NOT DRUNK!..FUCKYOU!".

Had to explain to the police that I had to hang up and jump on the bike before I got glassed. I saw him getting arrested up the road 2 minutes later, messy.