This morning's commute and other commuting stories

'tis for me, riding a fixed gear Brompton down the perilous east face of Mount Ely most mornings. But I take your point, it's not most people's natural cruising pedal speed. All part of the rich tapestry that riding fixed or singlespeed provides though.

if i'm not feeling knackered I tend to do 20-23 on 48x19 on the open stretches of cs7 and that's carting around ~120kg worth of fatty, tools and laptop/clothes. spin to win.

New Moon front light fell off and got run over by a single decker bus. Retrieved it and put it together again and it works.

Everyone's driving with their eyes closed between Greenwich and Forest Hill and trying to kill me. Multiple near death experiences/10

Endorsement right there!

Pulled up to the lights, something strange about fellow commuter. Why is he wearing waders in the middle of London. Perhaps heading to the Thames for a quick post-work fishing trip? Oh. He's got his jersey tucked into his bib tights. Chuckled to myself all the way home.

?

Utter ballbag in a Vauxhall estate tried to undertake me (may actually have mounted the pavement) turning left at some lights last night; I refused to let him through and gave him the finger when he honked at me so he decided he needed to *over*take me at the right turn I signalled for with about 20cm room to spare. Easily caught up with him on Tollington Park and gave the old universal wrist signal as I filtered past and then almost collided with an old guy RLJing very slowly from the left.

Reminds me, the other day in Brixton I heard a honk behind me while in the middle of the road about to turn right. Looked round lazily, saw twat, realised honk was at me, anger bubbled but managed to ignore. Next turning, same again, another dull, moronic honk. Obviously this cunt needs a lesson. Next few minutes were not my proudest, weaving at a snail's pace across the middle of the road so he can't get past, all the while bellowing abuse and giving the universal salute mentioned above. While doing this I was aware that 1) This is not a Good Idea. 2) He may snap and paint me into the road. 3) The pedestrians think I'm the problem. Despite these thoughts the feeling once he had fucked off and I had "won" was pure exhilaration. I like to think I will learn from this and never do it again. But.

Are the decimal numbers trouser unit units?

To the 6 or so cyclists who decided it would be a great idea to blindly cross the Pedestrian crossing at Peckham Space whilst an ambulance was hurtling towards them, causing it to stop from a significant speed:

You're all weapons-grade morons, and if you continue to ride in that fashion, with complete and utter disregard for / lack of awareness of other rode users (even with blaring siren), one day that ambulance will be coming for you.

I hope the 5 second advantage you got was worth it.

What is the most vigilante thing you've done? Unfortunately, I've only gone as far as verbal sprays and nuisance making like this. But I knew a former courier (who was a bit of a tosser tbh) who was cycling down a street at the speed limit in the middle of the road. A car was behind him beeping because they wanted to get around him, regardless of the danger of it.

At the next set of light he rested his bike against the front of the car, walked around to the drivers window as the driver was screaming abuse at him, snatched the keys out of the ignition, threw them in a nearby front garden and rode off. As much as i didn't like the guy, i respected pure cuntishness of the act.

Didn't a motorcyclist get busted for doing that recently?

That is quite good. I've heard a similar story involving a motorcyclist. The worst thing I've done is smack someone's wing mirror which provoked them into almost knocking me off and then getting out and trying to kick me as I rode past. I laughed at the time but I wouldn't want to repeat it even if there were no consequences.

Years ago I saw a 4x4 swerve onto the pavement near Bolan Death Bridge / URR to chase a cyclist who'd displeased him. When he jumped out to remonstrate another cyclist whipped his keys out of the ignition and popped them in a nearby drain and then rode off. I didn't hang around to see the resultant lols.

popped them in a nearby drain

Much more effective than into a garden.

Justified given the driver was clearly a danger to all other road users. Also v funny.

I often fantasize about dropping drivers' keys down drains.

But I just turn up the Sodcast™ instead.

I tried something similar. The obese driver of the Ford Ka just drove into me until I was on his bonnet and then when I started punching his windscreen he accelerated off and I managed to roll off the side of the bonnet and hit the deck.

Police asked me to fill in a "leaving the scene of an accident" report. I told them to go fuck themselves.

What is the most vigilante thing you've done?

I temporarily nicked someone's glasses, it was apparent he wasn't in need of them...

Someone beeped at you so you cost them at least 30 bar.
Cool dude

Riding in this morning the bike lane was temporarily slowed by a man in a mobility scooter pushing along a bike. Impressed me. would slow down again

30? Do you know how much car keys cost?
If its a modern car with central locking and immobiliser, new keys need coding to the car, costs over a hundred quid

I meant the wing mirror.
In the examples given the key was retrievable albeit maybe soggy so I ignored them.

See this kinda stuff a lot too.

"Youre on camera you fuckin shit faced ugly bint fuck cow wankstain fu k you bitch bitch punk ass fat cunt" for a few mins 0f chasing. Instantly shooting themself in the foot.
You got cut up then harrassed and abused and grassed the driver on youtube and to bull.... Noooooice.

Not you phil. People.

Not you phil. People.

Haha! Gotcha, as you were