Out the bedwetters

So clerarly Sean the gay chap donated the stuff that Helen popped into her turkey baster. This will run for years. Questions over paternity, access, maintenance. Child leaving mother and moving in with father. Mother (we have to hope) involved in fatal accident or worse and child being adopted by two gay parents. All this to look forward to but no Nigel to enjoy it with.

I presume all this mad natter is about The Archers.

What I'd like to know, Clive, is when this Helen lass did the biz with the turkey baster, could you... well... hear it happening? Was there a lot of grunting and slurping noises provided by the BBC special effects department as somebody squelched their finger into a grapefruit to get just the right sound for a lubricated turkey baster slithering into a fanny, followed by the jolly Archers theme music?

If that's the case, then I'm tuning in.

The Archers has often been likened to Greek Tragedy if the dramatic form that it takes. Most action takes place off stage and is described second hand on stage. The few exceptions are incidents like Grace Archer burning to death, Shula Archer losing her virginity and Nigel's sad demise.

There were no slurp slurp sounds of the turkey baster.

So clerarly Sean the gay chap donated the stuff that Helen popped into her turkey baster. This will run for years. Questions over paternity, access, maintenance. Child leaving mother and moving in with father. Mother (we have to hope) involved in fatal accident or worse and child being adopted by two gay parents. All this to look forward to but no Nigel to enjoy it with.

The only gay Sean in TA was the landlord of the Cat & Fiddle, who left before the pub closed down 20 years ago. He was the one who first brought Sid Perks's latent homophobia to the fore.

There was no 'turkey baster'. Helen had her AI on the NHS, improbable as it seems for a psycho, anorexic control freak. However, childbirth seems to have given her a complete personality change...