Watch out for douchebags trying to clothes line you

This.

I'm not so sure if you can call this "very very rare", you might think it's rare just because you got used to hear these stories, but actually there is a problem if you start thinking about how many people you know who can tell similar stories (including myself).

None, would be the short answer. None of my cycling friends or colleagues, as far as I know, have been attacked in the way the OP describes. So who's anecdotal evidence is valid?

In comparison to what?

Being attacked by Morris men wielding courgettes is "very very rare" scumbag kids attacking folk isn't. They've been doing it all over London for ages, to cyclists, pedestrians, whatever.

In comparison to the number of people I know who are faster riders than you?
I wasn't talking about overall violent crime.
The specific kind of attack mentioned in the OP is very very rare. How many miles a week, or a month, or a year, does the membership of LFGSS ride? And how many of those journeys ended in this kind of incident?
This inflated sense of danger amongst some forum members mirrors very closely the inflated sense of risk associated with cycling in general that stops a lot of the general public riding a bike.
There is a risk, it is very small but it's probably worth keeping in mind of you are riding through certain areas. That's all. It's not an epidemic.

someone threw a hoola hoop over my head at some traffic lights once.....as scarey as its got for me on the mean streets

A hoola hoop? Do you mean :

a.)

or

b.)

If you mean hoola hoops as in b, they are not to be under estimated. You really can beat the shit out of someone with those!

Bomb the borough.. it's the only way to be sure..

There you go sir; you've earned it.

I live and work in dalston and am about to cycle back from work to home at such an ungodly hour that the scallies will be in full force and now i'm shiting bricks even tough this hasn't happened to me in the many years i have been here, however i know people similar things have happened to and i sort of agree with trebek, it hasn't increased teh scalliness of the scally but it has increased the worth of being a scally.

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I would suggest you all spend anything from 15 mins to one hour a day practising your 1000 yard stare and poker face.
Its all in the eyes, when they try to gain eye contact (which they will in a majority of times before these instances occour),
you must be capable of fearlessly doing so for a moment, then look through them for about three times as long as you held
eye contact and then look away slowly. This all happens very quickly and needs to be a reflex (that may need developing).
It's also about timing you must meet their gaze at the same time as they clock you.
I am talking from experience, having lived in E1 and SE14 for over 4 years.
Not as some find of internet tough guy.

I would suggest you all spend anything from 15 mins to one hour a day practising your 1000 yard stare and poker face.
Its all in the eyes, when they try to gain eye contact (which they will in a majority of times before these instances occour),
you must be capable of fearlessly doing so for a moment, then look through them for about three times as long as you held
eye contact and then look away slowly. This all happens very quickly and needs to be a reflex (that may need developing).
It's also about timing you must meet their gaze at the same time as they clock you.
I am talking from experience, having lived in E1 and SE14 for over 4 years.
Not as some find of internet tough guy.

Have you practiced this in front of the mirror? Do certain phrases help you to perfect the technique? Such as "You lookin' at me?"

Just wondrin'

as hilarious as it may sound, what daimonic said is actually true. a lot of the times if you give off the air of being intimidated, chances are they'll intimidate you. I think as a cyclist you need to assess a situation from as far as your eye can see [anyway], and do your best to get the feck out of there.

Maybe this does sound laughable : )

Never bothered to use a mirror just relax every muscle in your face, focus on a space in a wall and then look through it.

Maybe it does have a Travis Bickle effect, lookin like an airbourne motherfucker certainly makes the little douches think about wether they want to mess with you; )

Think about the (untimely) death of cyclist per years, we get upset and devastated by that, but even so, the number still remain very small (15 death per years), that's a lots smaller than the rumoured NYC rate of one per weeks* if that to be believe.

*I'm trying to find that out, friends from NYC kept saying that line, but I can't seemed to find a source, doesn't sound likely though.

http://www.nyc.gov/html/doh/downloads/pdf/episrv/episrv-bike-report.pdf <- Page 8

I wasn't talking about overall violent crime.
The specific kind of attack mentioned in the OP is very very rare.How many miles a week, or a month, or a year, does the membership of LFGSS ride? And how many of those journeys ended in this kind of incident?

Right, so there's gangs who specialise in only mugging cyclists from this forum. That's good to know, seeing as it's so rare it should be easy to avoid.

It's not as common as punctures but It's not that rare.

I worry more about this happening than punctures.

you either need to get better tyres or harden up. in a year of living in london i have have one puncture due to drunkenly riding into a curb and slept a couple nights on the street in victoria and dalston either i've been incredibly lucky and stupid or its not that big of a deal to worry about. roll with the punches/punctures.

Two kids tried to get me off my bike a year or so ago in Lewisham by rigging up a crude clothesline between the lights at a zebra crossing. The thing is they didn't seem interested in stealing anything or beating me up, more just like it was something fun to do. Much to their dismay, and my delight, the big HGV next to me just tore through it, leaving them crestfallen at the side of the road...

But back to the OP, putting arguments of gentrification and whatnot to the sideline, thoughts to your friend, I hope they heal up soon

Sorry I dont live in the area. But if I was a few of you guys living/cycling that area I'd group up for a few nights and try to set up a trap for the bastards. It will mean one person being the 'bait' but have you buddies in close support and beat the living shit out of the fuckers...they'll learn not to mess with cyclists that way.

This is the reason I will move back to Berlin sooner or later. Of course we have crime there as well, but it's far away from this insane brutality of London and it's limited to certain remote areas instead of spreading over the whole city.

What is wrong with these young guys in London, where is this absolutely non-human, horrible brutality coming from?

Circle of violence innit.

you either need to get better tyres or harden up. in a year of living in london i have have one puncture

A whole year? LOL, hard man.

Right, so there's gangs who specialise in only mugging cyclists from this forum. That's good to know, seeing as it's so rare it should be easy to avoid.

16000 members.
how often do ride through hackney.
you do the maths.

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Well..it actually just occurred to me when I was writing that reply.

In all the time (especially around the East End) I've noticed what happens when wealthy people/developements come into a neighbourhood with an existing crime problem or even border-line problems with crime, they collide. What I noticed from living in Hackney/Bethnal Green etc is that if you're not ghetto, then you're easy prey.

Surely there's not enough gentrification. If these people all wore tweed and doffed their caps with a cheery "what ho!" instead of wearing grey tracksuits and stabbing you there would be no crime at all.

I've lived in Bethnal Green for 10 years, and Poplar before that. I'm not ghetto. I'm unmistakeably middle class. I have never had any of the sort of shit described in this thread though.

Surely there's not enough gentrification. If these people all wore tweed and doffed their caps with a cheery "what ho!" instead of wearing grey tracksuits and stabbing you there would be no crime at all.

Here! Here!

as hilarious as it may sound, what daimonic said is actually true. a lot of the times if you give off the air of being intimidated, chances are they'll intimidate you. I think as a cyclist you need to assess a situation from as far as your eye can see [anyway], and do your best to get the feck out of there.

Gonna have to agree with this as well. I have a great "don't fuck with me" stare. If a driver or someone is giving you grief, just give them a look of pure contempt and they'll usually back off.

Right, so there's gangs who specialise in only mugging cyclists from this forum. That's good to know, seeing as it's so rare it should be easy to avoid.

You're being deliberately obtuse. Come back when you've thought of a way to blame this on brakeless fixie skidder hipster shoreditch lo pro blah blah blah....

My solution?

Electrified armour.

Cumbersome - check
Reduced movement - check
Reduced visibility - check
Physically exhausting - check
Massive glare issues in bright sunlight - check
Makes you look 'special' - check
Fucking zaps any cunt who tries to touch you while protecting you from scrapes - check

People being mugged/bike jacked/etc is not uncommon and nothing new (although it does seem to be on the rise), what is worrying is the level of violence being employed for seemingly no reason.
The more I think about it the more it worries me how the behaviour of this new generation seems to have so little regard for other people. I just cant quite see where this complete lack of empathy has come from.