Wasps

i saw two blackbirds beat up a hornet once.

Rentokill apprentices are cunts of the highest order.

fxd

It's me

i overheard the best conversation today, from my neighbours, over the fench.
little girl: mum! ive caught a bumblebee
mum: No katie thats a wasp. leave it alone
'silence'
little: crying
mum: fuck! tim get the germoline!!!

oh how i chuckled

In case I get stung and need help it needs to be injected into my thigh or other large muscle.

Don't worry. We've got your arse covered.

Last year I was standing around in the garden of our rented Peckham palais and decided to investigate the compost heap. I heard a crunch. Then some buzzing. I thought it might have been coming from the scafolding company next door. It wasn't. So I started running, all the while screaming like a twat. A manly twat. Once in the kitchen I slammed the garden door behind me, but it was to no avail, some of the wasps had made it in - others were breaking inthrough the window. I then had to barricade myself in the living room. This too failed. So I ran from the house to the nearest 'safe place' (Pub) where I recovered my dignity.

The moral of the story is that wasps are basically Zombies.

Oh, and I got stung by a stealth wasp yesterday. But on the good side the knots in my hamstring are now gone. I refuse to acredit this to wasps. I hate them too much.

So could the Luftwaffe. Job Done

I like.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtvT-q41Kto

No Wasps!

there's only one wasp to worry about

aidans polo mallet

the original WASP

**Guinea Pigs - Incest

**When my sister and I were eight we got given a guinea pig each, Scruffy and Poppy. It was all very exciting; we let them live in a tool shed at the top of the garden and in the day they ran free around the garden since they were too stupid to run off. Being male and female, and guinea pigs, Scruffy and Poppy quickly started a deeply sexual relationship that resulted in many further guinea pigs. And so the children of Scruffy and Poppy began their own families, and I suspect that Scruffy got a bit of that action too. He looked pretty relaxed most of the time.

Breeding from a limited genepool has inevitable consequences. One year later on the very same day that Scruffy and Poppy arrived, there was a terrible electrical storm in the middle of the night. The young ocdc was woken by great flashes of lightning and rain cascading down the window. Looking out back I noticed with alarm that the door to the shed was banging violently in the howling wind. I grabbed my nightcap and candlestick and made my way out in one of Dad's coats, struggling through the storm.

At the top of the garden, on the floor of the terrible shed all the guinea pigs were circled in fear looking at the monstrosity before us. The beast was born.

It was basically a normal guinea pig, but with two major flaws. One eye was substantially larger than the other. And unfortunately, instead of two back legs it just tapered into a kind of useless rear flipper that it dragged about.

My mum gravely told us that the retarded child would have to be put down. Being a no-nonsense, practical type of woman, she also told us that we, my sister and I, would have to kill it. It is important to learn how to dispatch an animal in pain, runs the logic of the country.

We felt the best way to do it would be to drop something on it and let gravity be the killer. We thought about a rock, but then we'd have to move the rock and witness the squashed victim beneath. Eventually we settled on an old pillow case and a scaffolding plank. That way we could deposit the neatly bloodied bag in the bin and forget all about it.

I placed the retard in his killing sack. The marble sized eye peered up at me happily. My sister handed me the execution plank. We both had our eyes closed. The plank landed squarely upon its victim. When we gingerly moved it, there was movement from within! The beast was invincible! This was a heavy plank, too.

So, in tears, we took the creature inside to mum, explaining that we couldn't do the deed. She told us that the best way to do it would be to poison it, and proceeded to feed it so much brandy that it basically got pissed to death.

Nice, but, where were the wasps in that story?

**Guinea Pigs - Incest

**When my sister and I were eight we got given a guinea pig each, Scruffy and Poppy. It was all very exciting; we let them live in a tool shed at the top of the garden and in the day they ran free around the garden since they were too stupid to run off. Being male and female, and guinea pigs, Scruffy and Poppy quickly started a deeply sexual relationship that resulted in many further guinea pigs. And so the children of Scruffy and Poppy began their own families, and I suspect that Scruffy got a bit of that action too. He looked pretty relaxed most of the time.

Breeding from a limited genepool has inevitable consequences. One year later on the very same day that Scruffy and Poppy arrived, there was a terrible electrical storm in the middle of the night. The young ocdc was woken by great flashes of lightning and rain cascading down the window. Looking out back I noticed with alarm that the door to the shed was banging violently in the howling wind. I grabbed my nightcap and candlestick and made my way out in one of Dad's coats, struggling through the storm.

At the top of the garden, on the floor of the terrible shed all the guinea pigs were circled in fear looking at the monstrosity before us. The beast was born.

It was basically a normal guinea pig, but with two major flaws. One eye was substantially larger than the other. And unfortunately, instead of two back legs it just tapered into a kind of useless rear flipper that it dragged about.

My mum gravely told us that the retarded child would have to be put down. Being a no-nonsense, practical type of woman, she also told us that we, my sister and I, would have to kill it. It is important to learn how to dispatch an animal in pain, runs the logic of the country.

We felt the best way to do it would be to drop something on it and let gravity be the killer. We thought about a rock, but then we'd have to move the rock and witness the squashed victim beneath. Eventually we settled on an old pillow case and a scaffolding plank. That way we could deposit the neatly bloodied bag in the bin and forget all about it.

I placed the retard in his killing sack. The marble sized eye peered up at me happily. My sister handed me the execution plank. We both had our eyes closed. The plank landed squarely upon its victim. When we gingerly moved it, there was movement from within! The beast was invincible! This was a heavy plank, too.

So, in tears, we took the creature inside to mum, explaining that we couldn't do the deed. She told us that the best way to do it would be to poison it, and proceeded to feed it so much brandy that it basically got pissed to death.

Then a wasp stung me on the cock.

ha^

I have a mouse in my kitchen. I think it's generally in the block, but it's dining in my kitchen. I had a dream where i fanticised about killing it. I hate the little prick. I love the idea of putting it in a bag and smashing it against the wall. Or death by wasp

No wasp ?
Wtf ?

I got loads of these in my pond. Beat that, insect haters.

I got loads of these in my pond. Beat that, insect haters.

Looks like a sander with feet.

There's newt wrong with wasps.

@ DJ - reminder to check best before date on epi-pen. They don't last long and do need to be replaced.

skully:

Got a fucking wasp trapped in my kitchen

too frightened to open the door and then fumble with the window lock to let it out

fucking thing is holding my coffee machine to ransom

Finally braved the kitchen covered head to toe armed with a rolled up magazine

1-0 to me

coffee now

result!

Badminton rackets are amazing for killing wasps and flies. There's a deeply satisfying twang from the tension of the strings as you send the fucker hurtling across the room. Sometimes I used to get excited when a massive fly/ wasp would appear, it would give me a chance to jump smash the fuck out of the bastards.

I can deal with people wielding swords, cars, lorries etc but a tiny insect makes me scream like a the female lead in any Hollywood action movie and leaves me nervous for the next couple of hours.

Roll on winter.