"Because you don't fucking know me"

I tapped a guy on the bottom and made a kissy sound as he strolled across Goldhawk Road once - I think thats the longest Ive ever been chased on my bike.

I was only trying to get your number big man

Calling men "luv" often winds them up.. As in

"calm down luv it's a red light"

Heh, I like this approach. Same for 'dear', 'baby' and 'bitch' if things get nasty.

I know.

I think the same with nearly all curse words and phrases that revolve around sex.

I prefer swearing in foreign languages, things like djävla which means damned/hell/devil (depending on context)... much more satisfying too, it has a real ring to it.

When I get called a cunt, I can't help but wonder why. All I think is "So you find me attractive and want to eat me out? And that's supposed to insult me?". Defeats the point of cursing really.

Hear hear! I love cunts. Call me a cunt, you say you love me! Same thing with dj's 'wanker' come back, excellent reply which I've used too, there's no shame in it. Masturbation makes you a better lover - teach yourself how to delay, fool!

I like to use the Italian 'Porco ~' group of invectives when I'm feeling like swearing, they feel very cathartic. I say them with all the latin emphasis I can manage, *por*co put*an*a, *por*co mis*er*a, and sometimes when things get bad, the blasphemous '*por*co *di*o'.

I was only trying to get your number big man

5 three fucking one!

Sounds familiar --
Londoners= brilliant at minding their own business,
before I left for Oz, like many who bolt for other countries, the city had got to me so bad I couldnt stand it anymore, especially the dehumanising part that forces you necessarily to shut off from a large proportion of those you come into contact with every day.
Now, Im still a mentalist that talks to everyone,
but have come to be happy with the fact that plenty will just blank you, but meh, carry on being a happy person OP.

weird notions such as civility, community etc

+1

yep, i too am one of those weird people who strikes up conversation with strangers

its how i met the girl i am currently dating

saw her in the supermarket, she had been to the gym and was dressed in lycra with a gym bag of work clothes. noted that she was buying some shocking food, so i chased after her, thankfully my stalking did not have to take me too far out of my way, she was heading in a similar direction to me. as i went past I said "excuse me, you clearly look after yourself but have just bought an amazing array of over processed junk food snacks, can you explain yourself"

go for it D.J,
its clearly worked!!!

I know.

I think the same with nearly all curse words and phrases that revolve around sex.

I prefer swearing in foreign languages, things like djävla which means damned/hell/devil (depending on context)... much more satisfying too, it has a real ring to it.

When I get called a cunt, I can't help but wonder why. All I think is "So you find me attractive and want to eat me out? And that's supposed to insult me?". Defeats the point of cursing really.

I got called a wanker last night for waiting 40cm over a stop line, it got me thinking, so i went home, showered and made use of my new namesake.

The "not saying anything on the tube" seems to be a London thing. Tuesday mornings/evenings were never ultra lively back home in Perth but occasionally you'd have a conversation with someone you didn't know. More often you'd see someone you did know, and that is the key here I think. There are simply so many people in London you just don't bump into people you know very often so everyone just keeps their head down and stays in their own little world. Once this sheilding has been breached by an encounter with someone unfamiliar, some people react negatively because it's not the norm.

Sounds familiar --
Londoners= brilliant at minding their own business,
OP.

Now you say that it reminds me of how freaked out I was when I moved to the States for a while. Couldn't get used to any and every body saying "HI, how are you" all the time..

i still want to know if melon has never beaten his meat...

in which case he is probably about as elightened as the dalai lama

I genuinely think the rain makes people more aggressive..especially car drivers...I wonder why.

I thought I was actually going to get beaten up last night - as in, I was really quite scared for the first time that it might happen since he tried to drive into me and then got out of his van (don't give me any sympathy - I did provoke him a little bit). But I had to laugh when he trawled out his stock abusive phrases and started shouting at me "I bet you fucking suck cock!"...

ha ha
You should have winked and said

"better than you drive vans sweet cheeks"

I had a run in saturday coming down Redcliffe gardens, a garbage truck was parked up in the left hand lane and the workers were paying no mind to the traffic so i glanced back, indicated and moved to the outisde lane, out of nowhere this odd car/van hybrid passed me a little too close, into space that wasn't big enough (one fo those) I let it go and rode on undertaking him by now as the lane slowed.
as i pass i notice his car swerving side to side about a foot each way nearly planting me into the back of the garbage lorry

so I got in tighter and glanced in the window and noticed the tool was texting! so i rapped his window.

Scared the pupils from his eyes. the twat swerved to the right about 4 foot and nearly hit a parked car, he then decides to chase me down the road blasting his horn. i look over my shoulder and see him gesturing i pull in..

Thank you very much!

I stopped on a six pence and was back by his door before he could take reach for the handle. he looked a little shocked. so i give him a chance

Slag: Go on then, what are you playing at?
Big angry man: What the fuck are you doing, you got a problem!
Slag: I did, you were not controlling your car as you were on the phone
Big angry: it's a hands free!
Slag: It was in your hands, you were all over the place and hearly clipped me twice
Bit Angry: No i wasn't
(by this point i stepped up to him and the tension rises. he is shaking)
Slag: you had no idea i was there sunshine, if you had clipped me...
Big Angry: WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE
Slag: Ruined your no claims mate.

Queue slightly shocked look on big mans face
Big Angry: anyway you should have been wearing a helmet, i am right yeah.. you should be wearing a helmet. yeah? All you cyclists are the same, these roads aren't made for cycling but you are all all over the road jumping lights, it pisses me off!

SLag: bit of a broad stroke don't you think? besides helmets aren't law
Big Angry: it's the law, i know i am a downhill mountain bike champion
Slag: Shit, you let yourself go. or is that for momentum?
Big Angry: {shocked} i'll show you {goes to car}

this goes on for another 5 mins and i now have a 10% discount if i go on one of his downhill biking holidays (have the flyer) and he admitted he was in the wrong.

I wasn't in the mood for it, but he was more shaken than me so i'd won before he even got out the car.. result!

"excuse me, you clearly look after yourself but have just bought an amazing array of over processed junk food snacks, can you explain yourself"

insert face palm

she should have said i don't mind putting shit in my body, maybe we should date

DJ, do you really have a girlfriend based on that line or was this a dream you had last night? ;)

Londoners= brilliant at minding their own business.

and this' why bicycle get stolen in broad daylight.

scoblism!! dont you mean 'bored daylight' mate?

The weather plays it's part. In the summer, Londoners are much friendlier and open than on dreary days like today. Problem is, we rarely get much of in the way of a decent summer, so we tend to blend in and mind our own.

broad daylight

wide daylight

VB

That is indeed how i met her.

@GS, loved the dialogue!

You should have pissed on his turtle.

A good way of dealing with the angry yob is to raise your eyebrow and exclaim, "Dear me, you are in a tizzy aren't you?"

Probably best to prepare for a quick getaway, mind you.

@GS, loved the dialogue!

G.S =another one of them annoying 'people people'.......... turns everything into a win.
pffffffft ;-)

Big Angry: it's the law, i know i am a downhill mountain bike champion
Slag: Shit, you let yourself go. or is that for momentum?

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