Interview the person beneath you

Science.

Why do we scream at each other?

To numb the pain at the centre of all existence.

Quantum entanglement or string theory?

String theory.

If all history is relative, there can be no such concept as being, discuss.

I am a javelin.

Was Fatima Whitbread a man?

No

Why?

Because we love it.

Who would win, the shark or the bear?

Bear.

Favourite artist past or present?

Turner.

GSOH or kindness to animals?

GOSH - kindness to children, init.

Black, white, or grey?

Grey

Favourite English season?

The dry one

Marmite or peanut butter?

Both.

Ketchup or Mayonnaise

Both.

Ketchup or Mayonnaise

Ketchup. Cold hands or a cold heart?

Cold hands

Famous/infamous person you would most like to meet past/present?

Mervyn Peake

Cactus or pot plant?

'Pot' plant.

Parliament or Funkadelic?

'Pot' plant.

Parliament or Funkadelic?

neither, thanks

Balki or the man who goes to drinks and pretends to be him?

Both - it's him who pretends anyway

Stephen Fry or Patric Moore

Patrick Moore

John Shuttleworth or Alan Partridge?.

Partridge

Frankie Boyle or Russell Howard

Frankie Boyle.

Led Zep or Pink Floyd?.

Frankie Boyle. Gives good interview. http://www.timeout.com/london/comedy/article/493/frankie-boyle-interview

What's the point?

Cos Pink Floyd are shit.

King Tubby or Lee Perry?

Tubby

Washing up or hoovering?

hoovering

planes, trains or automobiles?