Any question answered...

Pivot in derailleur jammed?
Pretty sure I had something similar once when the chain was too long.

Sticky derailleur.

How the balls have I managed to buy a pair of titanium MTB bars with a 22.2mm clamp?

Because you bought them in a hurry thinking a tenner was a bargain?

Sticky derailleur.

Which would be best cleaned with what?

GT85 really, best to take it off the bike and check the bolt (the one that clamp it to the hanger), turn it with your allen keys to see if that's stiff.

Heh, I just went down to the garage to find the GT85 and it's hiding from me, I'll grab another can tomorrow.

Take the derailleur off the hanger, and spin the bolt with your allen keys several time to try and free it up.

OK SMART ARSE THE BLOKE SAID HE WOULD DONATE THE MONEY TO CHARITY

£1.99 a shim is

ONE NINETY NINE!

What is the quietist 700x25c tyre?

What is the quietist 700x25c tyre?

Shhh-pecialized Armadillo?

You think?
I would imagine it's something with a high thread count; I haven't ridden an Armadillo, but I've fitted many; they're fairly stiff, so I would guess not the quietist.

The two sounds coming from my bike are the Izumi standard, and the Vera tyres; I want to make it quieter.

A slick one.

Ride in the city more, you won’t notice your screaming tires as much.

Izumi chains are known to be noisier than others, so after I've worn this one out, I'll switch to the DID racing chain; I used one of those before and it was great.

High TPI tyres tend to 'sing' a lot more on the road IME, especially with latex tubes.

Marathon Plus?

Why is this like this:

Your bike is punishing you for being in small-small?

Interesting.
I would like them to be reasonable fast rolling too though, so maybe not Marathons.
I wonder, if what you say it true, what is the best compromise.

I mean, ideally, I'd just do a load of testing myself, but I don't have the time or money for that.

Izumi chains are known to be noisier than others, so after I've worn this one out, I'll switch to the DID

I had a DID, and it sounded like a box of spanners compared with Wippermann 1Z1. The aesthetics of the 1Z1 divide opinion, but it's a good chain and much quieter than anything else I've used.

I'm no mathematician, but:

You have to ride through every 1k square, no minimal distance for each square.

This means that you just have to visit the intersection of 4 squares to ride (an infinitesimal distance) through each of those 4 squares.

Thus I suspect it simplifies to visiting all the points on a grid of half the size of the original, rounding up.

Insert whoosh.jpg here.

Tyres is usually what create noise, don't think there's much you can do to be honest, especially on the track all you can hear is the rumbling of the tyres.

What I reckon you can do is experiment on pressure and see which give you a quieter ride, the Fuji tyres is already a slick.

I only left a DID chain on for a few weeks as the noise was super irritating.

Has anyone tried mounting one of these

Directly to the RHS rack boss? I’m guessing you could dismantle the bracket and just use a rack nut where the bolt is in the photo. Any reason it wouldn’t work?

Edit to add - my usual touring luggage includes a big Carradice saddle bag, so I’m looking for a rear dyno light option that’ll be out of its way.