Any question answered...

Worth switching to Co-op bank from HSBC? Getting a loan from Co-op and they'll give me £200 if I make them my main bank.

However, I've consulted the internet and it says their internet banking is a pile of wank, which is disheartening.

smile.co.uk is a part of co-op, but has better internet banking. Apparently.

smile are good, except, they now use those poxy fucken calculators to do the internet banking, so you just end up ringing them anyway.

Co-op are good. As are smile. The "poxy fucken calculators" work with both.

The greater the amount of Halfords tat (vinyl window tints, "chrome" exhaust tip etc) the smaller the engine is likely to be.

How often is it a 1.1 litre Corsa that looks like it has been covered in glue and rolled through Halfords, versus it being an Audi RS4?

As with Cars it is with Bikes.

So EdScoble has the biggest penis in London?

I've been banking with Smile for over ten years and would recommend them to anyone, even those incapable of using basic poxy calculators.

somebody misheard "you are a big cock" and mistook it for "you have a big cock"

Tautological misuse of the prefix 'mis'

i didn't say i couldn't use them, i just don't carry them around with me everywhere i go.

Yep. just sent one by hsbc. ruins the convenience of internet banking as can't now do at work and at home.

^see!

Can't you carry HSBC calculator with you? IT COMES WITH A KEY RING FFS.

why have a password + code + pin number + special date + first school + last school + memorable name etc, only to need a PFC (tm) to get into the account when you need to transfer money (ie when your card bam-bows at le reej at 11:30 on a friday)?

Ah. I see. PFC no work when Blood Alcohol content >= 80 mg 100 ml-1.

no, it only works when you have it on you.

Those HSBC calculators are a complete pain in the scrotum. It's so small that I carry mine around in the leaflet/wallet thing it came in, otherwise I'd lose it immediately. Yet too big and annoying-looking to carry on my keys. Is that what they think you'll do, carry it on your keys?! Ridiculous, it'd get battered. Spastics.

Also the presumptuous and arrogant slogan "The World's Local Bank" gets on my tits (as there is, of course, nothing in any way local about an enormous multi-national banking corporation).

Can't you carry HSBC calculator with you? IT COMES WITH A KEY RING FFS.

No.

The venn diagram of 'things I want to carry around with me' and 'hsbc PFC' does not intersect.

Explain pump is litre price not gallon.

Lolage.

Hate the hsbc shite but carry the fucking things around anyway. Never know when you might find yourself in a high end brothel need a couple of grand.

Any forumengers that do AV installations / home cinema stuff?

I know someone who does bespoke stuff. PM me if you want a No.

Why do you need to carry the thing around for? For setting up emergency standing orders? Impromptu direct debit queries? Oh no,m I simply must extend my mortgage right fucking now?

Cash cards. Not just for racking up lines of nosebag. They can also be used to withdraw money.

You're at your desk, you want to check your balance and maybe pay a bill.

You go to login:

a) No fucking calculator thing, it's on the table at home. Fail
b) Calculator thing has de-synced a-fucking-gain. Fail

They are fucking shit, designed by cunts to torment people.

If I want to pay for something someone's selling that's over £500 what's the best way of doing it?

I'd guess paypal, for the protection, but my paypal is linked to a credit card, so I'd have to transfer the money into the account, correct?

Do banks/BS's have a similar protection?

Cheers.

Why do you need to carry the thing around for? For setting up emergency standing orders? Impromptu direct debit queries? Oh no,m I simply must extend my mortgage right fucking now?

Cash cards. Not just for racking up lines of nosebag. They can also be used to withdraw money.

If I leave them at home, I will need to transfer money to pay a bill or something while I'm at work.

If I leave them at work, I will need to transfer money to pay a bill or something while I'm at home.

Are you my accountant?

First Direct FTW.
I know it is part of HSBC but I have literally nothing bad to say about FD.
£100 to transfer to them too.

No keycard thing for iBanking (although they are thinking about it).
I have re-upped my overdraft at midnight the night before a big direct debit no probs.
Call centre staffed by humans who AIM TO PLEASE rather than AIM TO ANNOY THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF YOU.

Barclays have been running the 'calculator' access system for ages but they have taken a step back and will be offering password type access again soon. From memory though, transfers (maybe just new payees) will still need to be set up with the calculator.