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The team fulfilled my dream for last season.
Apart from the recurring Natalie Portman/Natalie Imbruglia sandwich dream.
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'Has this eventuated?'
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Not yet.
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New job, new boss:
Granularity instead of detail
Socializing a concept - telling people your idea (US spelling just seems apt for him)
"We live our mantra"Your boss sounds like a bellpiece! We need to make these cheeseballs extinct.
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I'm currently working with a project manager who speaks in long rambling punctuation-less business jargon. He ties himself in knots with parenthesis after parenthesis and just keeps going adding unnecessary filigree like "If you would be so kind as to..." and referring to himself as "my good self". All of this in a flat, monotonous south London drawl. He says "methology" for "methodology" but best of all, he apparently doesn't know the meaning of the word "analogy" but uses it forty times a day, shoe-horned into any old sentence apparently in place of "analysis". Although sometimes it's hard to tell what his intended meaning was because his sentence structure is so tortured. When he comes and talks to me I start twitching, bouncing my leg up and down and frantically casting about for an exit. He makes me want to inflict harm on myself. Anything just to distract from the relentless awfulness of his prose.
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Multidisciplinary Design Framework
Ooh, sounds kinky! Do you think I could get one for my dungeon?
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Believe me there is nothing kinky about QS-ing electrical engineering contracts on the railway. It's almost heroically unglamorous. Except it's not, it's just shit.
Hey ho, I'm not there today so wtf am I doing sitting here bitching about it for? I'm going for a run. Happy weekend forumengers.
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My boss just called space on an excel spreadsheet 'real estate'.
Good band. I saw them on Wednesday evening.
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I really hate it when people use the expression "...the pot calling the kettle black", but instead of using it fully, they abbreviate it "pot, kettle, black". Where has this come from?
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miro_o.
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pot, kettle, black
Pot, kettle, black.
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Your boss sounds like a bellpiece! We need to make these cheeseballs extinct.
Whats weird is that he is a fairly nice bloke and when you get through the guff knows some helpful stuff. Takes fooking ages to get through the guff though. Think he has just got horribly mixed up with what impresses people and what makes him sound like a dick. Pity
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'Security bubble'
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lol
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From - http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/life/article3480074.ece
[INDENT]*... I saw Nick Buckles give evidence before the Home Affairs Committee and it was like watching a man who’d eaten a book on management-speak defaecate the contents on to the parliamentary carpet.
What is a “reporting template”, a “cascade”; what are “filters in place”, “massive pipelines” and “backended processes”? Apart from business-speak porn? As I expected, the G4S website, too, is an orgy of jargon where we learn that the company’s “vision is to be recognised as the global leader in providing secure outsourcing solutions, to help customers to achieve their own strategic goals”. That it has an “unrivalled geographic footprint” and works “to build solutions that combine our knowledge of in-store security processes” ... oh, someone make it stop.
How I despise that word “solutions”. It has soiled the language to the point where food companies now offer “breakfast solutions”. Or in the non-tossers’ universe, “toast”. A colleague once saw a sign offering “contemporary solutions to light control”. They were selling blinds. Why are so many people afraid of plain English? Is it because behind their windy verbiage there is often a steaming pile of mediocrity?
I will say that G4S (which Twitter notes is text-speak for “guffaws”) deserves respect for being the world’s second largest private employer; it must be vaguely competent some of the time to have grown that big. But, like other companies, it should know that pompous circumlocution merely gives the impression that there’s something to hide. If your product is good, let it speak for itself.
Recently the journalist John Simpson wrote an open letter to the new Director-General of the BBC urging him to hunt down and destroy any Birtian management jargon “that sounds as if it could have come from Kim Jong Un”. He’s right. The savage round of BBC cuts, he said wryly, has been given the revoltingly euphemistic title “Delivering Quality First”. What cant.
No wonder Mr Buckles didn’t know until July 3 that there wouldn’t be enough staff for the Olympics. He probably couldn’t fathom what anyone in his company was talking about. Perhaps someone said something such as “there has been a core competencies and synergies fail and we may fall outside the solutions delivery window”, and he nodded, none the wiser.
Constipated management-speak is the enemy of transparency. But after everything we’ve been through lately, transparency is what the world wants. Some experts believe that people often resort to business jargon out of laziness and because they don’t believe in what they are offering.
I don’t know if either of these applies to G4S but if I were Mr Buckles or, indeed, any company manager, I would now be thinking outside the box, picking the low-hanging fruit, opening the kimono — and ditching the bulls**. Action that ... today.[/INDENT]
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^@ Longandwinding - scary thing is I know exactly what he means. I hate the way people use langauge to make it harder for people to understand them, make themsleves feel more important and to avoid any sort of clarity (i.e. telling the truth).
That said I fucjking hate people who say amazeballs. It's not a buzzword but it's still shit.
handtightenonly
Oliver Schick
kattiep
dooks
middleofnowhere
TheorySwine
dst2
user16171
not4sale
LongAndWinding
olaf_von_pokemon
t.o.-
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About
Crap 'Buzzwords'
Posted by
@StandardPractice
They over achieved, bit like most of your dreams.