Crap 'Buzzwords'

I've just heard,

structured reality..

fml..

'Manflu'

If ever I complain to my girlfriend of feeling in the least bit unwell, I am told I have manflu and reminded that women just "get on with it", whatever the fuck that means. At the weekend I actually felt awful with flu-type symptoms, which doesn't happen often, but was not taken seriously. As if I wanted to spend all day Sunday watching Mistral's Daughter. No, I was just being idle and feeling sorry for myself. Who came up with this stupid fucking word anyway? It doesn't even make sense! It's not anfluenza is it? Annoying as fuck, SHUT UP AND LET ME BE!

Life is not an episode of Loose Women.

Yeah. It's a fucking stupid word.

Even when you've got a bit of a cold and you're getting on with your day, drinking lots of water, sucking Strepsils and generally minding your business, there's still an endless stream of hilarious people who feel a compulsion to swing by my desk and say, voices dripping with mock pity, 'Oh dear... Touch of the old 'manflu', eh?'

No. It's a cold. Sorry if that's not 'on trend' enough for you, you complete and utter bum-fondler.

Do you mean a 'mancold'? #killthemall

I work in a hospital and everytime I see a man in a wheelchair or a bed, or on a drip I think 'thank fuck thats not a working mom'.

Do you mean a 'mancold'? #killthemall

Which mall?

You've just made a hash out of reading the tag.

'Challenge', as in 'we're challenging value', 'Challenging the market', 'did you challenge him on it?'

'Manflu'

If ever I complain to my girlfriend of feeling in the least bit unwell, I am told I have manflu and reminded that women just "get on with it", whatever the fuck that means. At the weekend I actually felt awful with flu-type symptoms, which doesn't happen often, but was not taken seriously. As if I wanted to spend all day Sunday watching Mistral's Daughter. No, I was just being idle and feeling sorry for myself. Who came up with this stupid fucking word anyway? It doesn't even make sense! It's not anfluenza is it? Annoying as fuck, SHUT UP AND LET ME BE!

Life is not an episode of Loose Women.

Did we give them shit when they all moaned about having bird flu? No. Sexists.

Repped

Ditto.

What is "dead-crab evidence" ?

Anyone else being asked what their "brand values" are? I get the feeling this phrase has appeared on an MBA course this year and is being propagated like a dull meme.

I'd love to inject a fake meme into the world of business bullshit, just to see how far it spreads. "We need to rub the lotion on this one, or it'll get the hose".

Rail networks and TFL seem to think that the word 'Engineering' is now like totally 1980's. I'm thinking of like an old man in a hut in Crewe with a pencil drawing a plane, Hes like really sad as he's close to retirement? What we really need is to use some positivity when we're f'king up peoples journeys day in, day out. How about we call Engineering works 'Upgrade plans'. Its like loads better, hey, I know its taken 4 hours to do a 20 minute journey but they're upgrading! just like a computer you know?

Lets get Jason in creative to do some mock ups by the end of play and we can share some of the content currently ringfenced for the blog on the social networking microsite that way we maximise the collaborative nature of this opportunity....

Not really a buzzword but FML.. Just arguing with a nobody about why I can't hire £50K worth of camera kit to them when I get hit with..

"Listen, I've got a degree from Oxford"

Which McDonalds did he work in?

Not really a buzzword but FML.. Just arguing with a nobody about why I can't hire £50K worth of camera kit to them when I get hit with..

"Listen, I've got a degree from Oxford"

Brookes?

(Nothing wrong with Brookes, it just irritates Oxford students when you ask.)

2:2; Land Economy.

Skivvy of the future Mayor of London and Gideon 'fleshy' Osborne's plaything.

Not really a buzzword but FML.. Just arguing with a nobody about why I can't hire £50K worth of camera kit to them when I get hit with..

"Listen, I've got a degree from Oxford"

I thought people found that charming in a hugh grant sort of way.

I was cornered by a guy in a bar once who told me, almost immediately, apropos of nothing, "I've got a degree from Oxford". So I took the logical step of saying I had a degree from Norwich. His response was "never heard of it". And the conversation had ended.

Fucking ninnyhammers.

'Hit the ground running' has accelerated to 'Hit the ground sprinting' on a job advert I've seen. No doubt they discriminate against the flat-footed community to which I belong.

Webinar...

fml..

Gifty, giftability & giftable.
Sat through a three hour meeting where these words were bandied about ad nauseam.

From the panel selling the company perks on offer at onefinestay (who I've never heard of), alongside a job advert on their website;

'Almost too much responsibility' - OK, this is irritating.

'A somewhat funky open plan office' - I'm going right off you.

'An achingly hip location' - Please, give it a rest.

'Victuals. Endless victuals' - Say fucking what?

does not apply

Yet more rubbish from terrible job adverts - this in the 'Knowledge, Skills and Qualifications' section;

Asks not “What’s next?,” but rather, “What if we were to do this next'?

Triumphant nonsense. Their role also requires 'a pleasant personality', so they can shove my application right up their saggy-arse.