If you can't change a puncture, don't fecking ride a bike!

I have never, ever, had a puncture within walking distance of a bike shop.

It inevitably happens in Bumfuck Idaho.

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defo prefer the feathered patches. tip-top FTW

you use condensed milk? fucking cornish idjut

That's already fail. A patch kit weighs fuck all compare to all that shit.

I don't carry locks around unless I know I'm going to need one. My lights are light (haw haw) and I walk in my clipless mtb shoes.

I live in Hackney, I always need a lock or two! I have dominators but they are only comfortable for short periods of time.

you use condensed milk? fucking cornish idjut

clotted cream, seals the whole right up

sellotape and a hard boiled egg works wonders too

I tend to use a kipper, warm the skin side with a lighter and lay it skin side down.
can't waste good clotted cream.. my Nan would turn in her grave!

Harsh.

I don't fix punctures. I hijack a nearby helicopter and fly home. The sale of aforementioned captured helicopter pays for a new bike.

I tend to use a kipper, warm the skin side with a lighter and lay it skin side down.
can't waste good clotted cream.. my Nan would turn in her grave!

I have STILL never eaten a kipper!

Jesus!

I have STILL never eaten a kipper!

Jesus!

More bother than they're worth.

Every mouthful is full of bones, just big enough to make you think they'll get stuck in your throat and you will either choke to death or need a tracheotomy. Probably administered by someone who has watched too much ER and uses an empty bic biro.

That is why you should not eat kippers.

Lies. A good Kipper rules.

Plus it can fix a puncture and dress a wound. I always carry at least three incase of an emergency.

i love a good kipper

Nope - they're not for me. Ditto sardines with their nasty crunchy spine thing.

Nope - they're not for me. Ditto sardines with their nasty crunchy spine thing.

How do you feel about anchovies though? I love anchovies.

I love anchovies.

weirdo^

*
[sits and waits for shoots*]

I always carry a Greasy Slag around with me to do my hard tyre changes.
They come in easy to use throwaway singles, and only need the occasional praise related to how "great" their beloved gunners are.
That, or a jelly baby.

Was chatting with Markyboy and FuriousTiles about this at Souths, FT was telling me that in his shop it's ridiculous how many times people come in to get punctures repaired.

He made me laugh though, he said that the usual charge is around £10 (£4 for inner, the rest for labour).

Although if he was feeling kind and the customer appeared to have a bit of 'know-how' he'd charge them £5 and teach them however he'll charge them £10 if he sees them again.

Best bit was if you're a Brompton rider you get punished for £15 as the wheels are more of a hassle and an even bigger waste of the mechanics time.

Anyway this thread is bonkers.

I tend to use a kipper, warm the skin side with a lighter and lay it skin side down.
can't waste good clotted cream.. my Nan would turn in her grave!

Salmon FTW

I've seen Ray Mears, make shoes out of salomon skin FFS!
and being a natualy oily fish, you can lube your chain with it.

@ El Squire

Thanks alot!
I was* just* getting over him...
sob "Bonnnnnnnkkeeeerrrrrrrrrssssssss....!"

i love a good kipper spanked across my bare buttocks

I never knew..

liar, it's our sunday morning ritual. before the papers

liar, it's our sunday morning ritual. before the poppers

Cheeky.