10 rules to (sic) riding a fixie

1. Take a perfectly working back brake of your single speed and pretend its fixed
   

Internet fame for you with this rant, proving very popular with the MTB community.

http://www.singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/excuses-moi-cest-un-fixie

might not be SFW http://www.mlehworld.com/mleh2/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=950

So does this prove that
a) there are only 12-or-so people behind all the internet personas on all the forums, as I've long suspected.

b)I should get a more demanding job?

BTW, I haven't been out of the flat yet today.

Make sure you get some hills in, too.

1. jump every possibly red light and then proceed at 6 kph so you get overtaken by the non-cockends within 10 metres.
   

1. practice backwards circles at london fields on weekends
   

1. Build bikes that you never intend on actually riding. Do this for the simple reason that you wish to be able to drone on about it for a seemingly endless amount of time.
   

leave scot outta this

ha - scott's hijacked E's account again

1. Never use the terms 'fixed gear or fixed wheel'. It's a mutherfuckin fixie, bwoy
   

can we have 10 rules for being a fixie-skidder please?

also if we create threads containing fixie-skidder will they be renamed fixie skidder skidder?

can we have 10 rules for being a fixie-skidder please?

also if we create threads containing fixie-skidder will they be renamed fixie skidder skidder?

No, 'fixie-skidder-skidder'.

http://www.bikeradar.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=12630828

The people who frequent the Commuting section on Bikeradar are the cycling equivalent of Daily Mail readers.

A shower of cunts.

I like to read and laugh at their chat occasionally, like once or twice a year.

I am assuming these people are the noddys that the daily 0830 fluoro peloton is comprised of?

@ BMMF. I bet you are around forty you grumpy old bastard. My tolerence level dropped off the scale around this time too. I think they call it the male menopause. I particularly enjoyed number six.

1. Ride like a fucking monger cunt. done
   
2. Sit on your bike like a constipated wanker. done
   
3. Wear an iPod, close your eyes, and proceed to switch lanes quickly like a fucktard. done if you ask other, but as you see i write so it was always safe ;)
   
4. Just be a fucktard in general. done done done
   
5. Make your bike look as fucking stupid as your hair. hair done, bike fine
   
6. Be a consummate cunt. think its done
   
7. Create the appearance of speed whilst being slow to the power of [joey face]. ignore
   
8. Blame every other road user for the failings of your motor cortex. i dont fail, i decide who fails
   
9. Never behave in the way you want other road users to behave around you done, but sorry for that
   
10. Fuck off and die. will be done in time
    

1. practice backwards circles at london fields on weekends
   

I was rather drunk and guilty this the past weekend.

The people who frequent the Commuting section on Bikeradar are the cycling equivalent of Daily Mail readers.

A shower of cunts.

Can't beat the cunts for advice on buying a hybrid tho'. At least the advice given is generally fucking don't. Or would be if the rude words filter didn't get in the way.

Slow to the power of (Joey face).

I'm going to take that with me everywhere. Wonderful.

1. Ride like a fucking monger cunt.
   
2. Sit on your bike like a constipated wanker.
   
3. Wear an iPod, close your eyes, and proceed to switch lanes quickly like a fucktard.
   
4. Just be a fucktard in general.
   
5. Fuck off and die.
   
   

i didn't pas you on my way to work did i?

Isn't it fun how the interweb tosses aside context and irony, like a child rejecting the crusts of their sandwich, gorging themself instead on the crassly gratifying umami-laden filling.

Steal that for your other cycling forums, fuckwits.

the pleasure principle.

currently i'm trying the delaying of gratification
(i do this by being nicer to people, i not sure they deserve it though)

The people who frequent the Commuting section on Bikeradar are the cycling equivalent of Daily Mail readers.

A shower of cunts.

http://www.bikeradar.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=12631283&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

1. Ride like a fucking monger cunt.
   
2. Sit on your bike like a constipated wanker.
   
3. Wear an iPod, close your eyes, and proceed to switch lanes quickly like a fucktard.
   
4. Just be a fucktard in general.
   
5. Make your bike look as fucking stupid as your hair.
   
6. Be a consummate cunt.
   
7. Create the appearance of speed whilst being slow to the power of [joey face].
   
8. Blame every other road user for the failings of your motor cortex.
   
9. Never behave in the way you want other road users to behave around you.
   
10. Fuck off and die.
    
    

The fucking truth.

Sounds like MASHSF video.

1. Ride around with a bike that looks like it has never seen the rain with an old 1970s camera round your neck in hyde park while wearing sidis and skinny jeans looking like an arsehole. To complete the part when asked in jest "do a skid!", give them the oh so superior over the shoulder look like the hipster nazi bastard you are......