How do you get over someone you still love?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Internationale

cant not Kant

Arise, ye workers from your slumber,
Arise, ye prisoners of want.
For reason in revolt now thunders,
and at last ends the age of cant!
Away with all your superstitions,
Servile masses, arise, arise!
We'll change henceforth the old tradition,
And spurn the dust to win the prize!

[URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Internationale"][/URL]and at last ends the age of cant!

You don't have poetic licence to use inversions. ;)

jesus that "how to break up with your girlfriend" thing might well have been written by someone more self-aware than me who had lived my life in an alternate universe. the first cycle took nine years. i'm not sure how far i am into the next yet...if it ever goes tits up like that again at leats i'll be prepared.

anyway - sorry to hear you're going though it. my advice is to get off the fucking internet asap and stop taking advice from the likes of me. also definitely don't go on a bender, fuckfest or meaningless sex binge. and DEFINTELY don't do that, then get disgusted with yourself then not have sex for a year and a half...

aaaanyway.

log off. go to sleep. ring all the real people you know and arrange stuff to do that doesn't involve casting around bars at 1am on a monday for someone to take home. because if you do, not only will you find that you feel just the same afterwards except sadder, fatter, sicker, poorer and bitter... but there's a good chance the random you take home will end up having been in the "unicorn" ex's class at school.

it happens.

shame

^

+1

Because Kant was a brilliant thinker and, to a degree, he started it all: The brilliance of the enlightenment.

And I did not want to do Hegel, because he is a Kant. :)

.

It sucks when your loved one 'discovers' she doesn't love you anymore, or isn't inlove with you, or whatever. My opinion is quite strong, as a 5 year relationship turned 7, with the last 2 years being in self denial. It changed my life, in the sense that I am still recovering from the mental harm I received from the 2 years of living in a fantasy, that was really abuse.

So yeah, my opinion now (and I'm currently falling inlove all over again, soemthing I thought I'd never be able to do) is that once somethng has died, it's best to accept and move on. It's really not worth the pain you will cause yourself trying to make it work....

So yeah, my opinion now (and I'm currently falling inlove all over again, soemthing I thought I'd never be able to do) is that once somethng has died, it's best to accept and move on. It's really not worth the pain you will cause yourself trying to make it work....

Yup, that's my thought too.

tell her she was lousy/wooden in bed.

na, same as the other two above, life goes on and you will get on/over it. time heals all.

good luck

Walk away. Do not try to fix that which you cannot, it will only cause you greater mental anguish in the long run. Today will be painful, tomorrow unpleasant, someday it will just be something that made you who you are. Your job is to try and ensure that that person is not a bitter shadow of its former self.

Really sorry to read this. You are clearly very upset which is saddening.

I can't advise you, but I hope you come through this.

Nick

First of all I apologies for bumping this thread from the depths and asking for help/advice on the internet but I'm pretty upset right now and it's all come as a bit of a nasty surprise.

I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years near enough (not long in the grand scheme of things I know but it seems like a damn long time right now), recently she went around Europe for 6 weeks and somewhere along the line her feelings towards me have changed. This all came out today and now I'm a fucking mess. She didn't really have any definitive answers about anything and apparently still loves me one way or or another.

I have no idea whether to just (somehow) try and accept it or to fight it and try and fix things, I want to make this work again but there isn't much point in fighting a lost cause.

This is shit.

Thats a shame man, your best bet is to just give her space, give it some time, despite how much it will hurt in the short-term. You're gonna have to let go for a bit. I've been in similar situations and although it was tough at the time, there is no use crowding a girl who's in that kind of emotional state. Just makes things worse for both of you. And this sounds kind of lame but is totally true (!), but you're still young and there's a lot of great times still ahead of you.

First of all I apologies for bumping this thread from the depths and asking for help/advice on the internet but I'm pretty upset right now and it's all come as a bit of a nasty surprise.

I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years near enough (not long in the grand scheme of things I know but it seems like a damn long time right now), recently she went around Europe for 6 weeks and somewhere along the line her feelings towards me have changed. This all came out today and now I'm a fucking mess. She didn't really have any definitive answers about anything and apparently still loves me one way or or another.

I have no idea whether to just (somehow) try and accept it or to fight it and try and fix things, I want to make this work again but there isn't much point in fighting a lost cause.

This is shit.

2p:

Chin up mate. Don't 'just accept' or 'fight' it, maybe do something in between? Be open to your future, whether best together or not together. Only honesty will make you free to do that, so just be truthful and kind to each other. Communicate the things you really mean.

Take it easy, don't go off the deep end as soon as you are together, talk where and when you're ready. Work out what you're both feeling. Try and do social things with that person not just sitting in a flat, so you can also just spend some time together just being, and ready to talk when the mood takes you.

I feel that when you're 'with' someone for a long time, it can be hard to say how one is really feeling about the other, this* can* hurt if you manage to really be open with each other when you're ordinarily just 'nice' to each other. It might sound harsh to hear that one is simply 'annoying' or 'too nice' or 'boring' or 'too flirty' or 'too frigid' something, but easy to see how people end up feeling these sorts of things about someone whom they still deeply care for (I'm not suggesting I know what's happening with you two, just that it's easy to bottle things up).

That fact that you ask here means that you care enough to address what's happening instead of burying your head in the sand and getting pissed or whatever. You'll be in our 'prayers' or whatever each of us call that contemplative state. Good luck over the next few days.

Go for a decent bike ride first. The world looks better after cycling. If all else fails:

Geezer - feelin for ya…

To be honest I don't think that there's a whole lot you can do about fighting for it. The whole 'I still love you but not in that way' is generally just used to sweeten the pill, obviously she still cares for you as you've got a shared history but it does sound like she's drawing a line under ther romance part of your relationship.

Yup, it'll hurt like fuck and nothing we say here is going to change that for ya but you know that there's always peeps on here willing to share a brewski or hit a polo ball with ya if you need to get out of the situation for a bit

Go for a decent bike ride first. The world looks better after cycling. If all else fails:

Drown yourself? Find Nemo? Latter would be more fun.

Drown yourself? Find Nemo? Latter would be more fun.

Yeah the turtle surfer dude sounds like he might have some good smoke, at least.

Sorry to hear that Moog - come back up from the depths of deep south London and come to Wests this week for general foolishness.

Walk away. Do not try to fix that which you cannot, it will only cause you greater mental anguish in the long run. Today will be painful, tomorrow unpleasant, someday it will just be something that made you who you are. Your job is to try and ensure that that person is not a bitter shadow of its former self.

This is spot on.

Keep busy; it helps.

Thanks for all the words of wisdom and rightly or wrongly I have emailed her (I find it a million times easier to say what I really mean when writing) saying how I feel and that I'm open to whatever happens but I need some sort of proactive action either way I can't be sitting on the fence in no mans land for any significant length of time.

I guess I'll just play it by ear and see what the future holds. As for now I think a cinema trip with some friends is in order and I will be dusting off the road bike tomorrow and just going for a ride to wherever.

or cinema tomorrow, and laughing at my debut on the TNRC tonight!

Keep busy; it helps.
do something you have always wanted to do to take your mind off it, rock climbing, swim the channel etc.

moog, my tuppence worth, is to let it go.
spent a long time trying to (in my mind) save a relationship, when the other party had already drawn a line under it. Best for your own sanity to make decisions that make you happy/happier.
Like Tiswas says, the ending of some relationships are like bereavement, you'll go through similar steps

and you'll probably go though all of them. Lean on your friends, talk about it as much as you can, and when ready find someone else, whether for a short time or a long time. There's a reason that the rebound person exists, because it creates both emotional and mental distance from the previous bod, and also reminds you that you are still attractive to the opposite sex, which is sometimes difficult to understand/comprehend when you are stuck in your own little world of pain.

She's doing what she feels is right for her, the words used are there to soften the blow. In the end you've got to do what is good/right for you, and trying to keep hold of a relationship which the other person has checked out of isn't a good thing...

Be Well, and use the bike to give yourself time to be free, and also a vehicle to think outside of the spaces, situations which you shared with your girlfriend..

Just keep your chin up and don't dwell on it mate, it hurts like hell when it happens and you think there's never going to be anyone else like them... that they were the one but as you move on and meet someone else and fall in love, hopefully with "the one", you realise they weren't...

No matter what happens though always remember... It will be ok...

I guess I'll just play it by ear and see what the future holds. As for now I think a cinema trip with some friends is in order and I will be dusting off the road bike tomorrow and just going for a ride to wherever.

In the past, I've found that giving yourself some purpose is useful. Nothing makes it hurt more than wallowing. That isn't to suggest that you shouldn't grieve the end of something so important to you, absolutely you should, but don't let it consume you. I know some people that have sought ways to challenge themselves to find out who they are on their own, I sought a project that I could stamp my identity on. Ultimately, do something with a purpose and a goal.

For me, Skully's advice is exactly where it's at....

I would add that poise and dignity, without being closed or cold, is productive. The sun will shine again.