Only twats ride with worn cleats

What's with this lameness of making puns bold?

Bad time to be punning, Sparky, everybody's commuting home.

Meh, I'm just a channel through which puns flow. I can no more control when it takes hold than I can fix Cliveo's back-pipe.

Off to see the surgeon this evening, two weeks after the last operation.

The wound, despite a zipper load of staples is still open and ouzing but perhaps not ouzing as much as it once did. As the day progresses, my buttock swells to a painful degree but then calms down once I am home and lying down. By morning the swelling is all but gone when my wife changes the dressing. There is always some form of erruption at the dressing change but now, rather than clear lymph fluid, the discharge is a thick yellowy mucus. A feeling of relief greets this daily discharge; a feeling of relief that is for my buttock. I am not so sure that Mrs O shares the joy.

The area is very itchy which may be a good sign; a sign of healing. I am not sure if the itch is deep into the original lession or in the surgiccal wound or just on the surface where, after seven weeks of abuse, the skin is fairly manky. The area is also sore and occasionally beset by shooting pains particularly if I find myself walking too fast or sitting incorrectly. At least no gunk has spilt into my trousers or onto my chair for a while.

At the start of this process, I cheered myself with dreams of what I would do on my bike as soon as I was able. Turbo sessions, long steady rides progressing to hill reps. Simple journeys about town to work or football. The track opening. Sportives that I have entered and a session or two at Calshot. Now I am mentally crossing arranged events off my calendar. Hell of Ashdown and RPM's Calshot day already gone. No chance of the Surrey Rumble nor of the Burgess Hill Spring Classic. Fastrack coaching's Calshot event at the end of March looks unlikely; even if I am back on my bike by then, the chance of regaining sufficient fitness in time is minimal. Worries now surround The Etape de Caledonia in mid May and the Tour of Wessex at the end of that month. Hopefully, the surgeon will be able to let me know when I might be recovered so that I can start dreaming again.

Sorry to be glum. Hopefully, tonight will bring some good news.

good luck mate

I am beginning to wonder whether my buttock stands as a metaphor for the Iraq war: best not to intervene, however unpleasant current circumstances might be, if you are unclear as to the result that that intervention might have.

oh clive. :(

that really does make for miserable reading.

Heal up Clive, hope you get some good news today.
Not trying sound like a quack, have you tried wound dressings with either Tea Tree oil or some sort of Manuka honey?

Jesus wept. Is there no end in sight? Chin up Clive, don't let your morale drop to rock bottom.

Heal soon, buddy

I am beginning to wonder whether my buttock stands as a metaphor for the Iraq war: best not to intervene, however unpleasant current circumstances might be, if you are unclear as to the result that that intervention might have.

I think your bum is the battle of El Alamein.

"I have never promised anything but blood, tears, toil, and sweat(and Lymph fluid)....this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. but it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." (Winston Churchill November 10, 1942 after a Victory at the Battle of El Alamein in North Africa)

ps good luck today hope it all goes well

Wow, good luck tonight. HealTFU etc.

Jesus wept. But not as much as Clive's bum.

fixed

Clive, am running out of ways to express you have my total sympathy. Really hope the resolution is on its way.

Clive

I understand you're a pretty successful legal type. Why not just sue the arse of someone and graft that on as a direct replacement? I suggest Balki. There was that time you wanted to ask him a question and he was not very forthcoming.

Hmm, maybe you already have and that could explain his absence......

Best wishes for later btw.

Why not just sue the arse off someone and graft that on as a direct replacement?

:)

Clive. I don't think we've met but you have my total sympathy and I wish you (finally) a speedy recovery, it has certainly been a massive saga.

good grief. I've not looked at this thread since you posted up the picture of your split elbow and have just read through it all. Clive, you poor bloke. I really hope you're over the worst and can get back to a normal life soon. Once you are, make sure you take Mrs O away for a nice weekend or something, I sounds as though that poor woman has seen some sights. She signed up for richer, for poorer but not for erupting buttocks!

Just returned from my visit to the surgeon.

The staples are out which is a relief and has eased quite a bit of the pain. In their place is a gaping hole which must be dressed by a nurse every day. A let off for Mrs O but a nuisance to get to hospital on a daily basis.

No exercise whatsoever. Walk only if absolutely necessary. Rest the muscle. Allow it to heal.

No cycling, obviously. No trip to Paris with MrsO in a week's time. Her Christmas present. Unhappy spouse.

A matter of weeks not months. There will be considerable scarring and probably a bump and indent. No more male glamour modeling.

See the surgeon again next Thursday....

I will almost certainly not be riding until at least Easter. No Tweed ride. No Forum birthday CM. No early season Herne Hill. No Calshot. Just work and bed.

I need to hear jolly stories of your cycling exploits.

Oh, and the surgeon said that during the operation, he was able to put his hand inside my buttock and not reach the end of the lesion. Wonderful image. Jokes about fisting are now banned.

:(

quote
"I need to hear jolly stories of your cycling exploits."

well heres one
when i was 16 my mate Tim and i were bike mad, belonged to cheltenham and gloucester cycling club.
in the summer his father died and at the funeral his cousin who was about thirty started ribbing us about cycling

tim's mum had invited me to join tim and his young brother and her on a weeks holiday in a cottage near stranrear in scotland
tims cousin knew this and said if we were so good we could ride there. tim said we would and then got over excited and said we would do it in 2 days. his cousin said he would bet us 15 pounds on that - a lot of money at the time. so a week and a bit later we set off from cheltenham on our dawes red feather 5 speed bikes. we pulled into kendal mid evening and had a meal at a b and b and walked into the town a little way and had a couple of underage beers

next morning up early back on the bikes , up shap and down to carlilse gretna, dumfries lockerby and that evening into stranrear or at least nearby where the cottage was . done in 2 days, 420 miles we got our money and we put the bikes on the train to go back home !!

wikey

Hello there :)

Sorry to hear about your war wounds.

I broke my elbow about 10 years ago and got a nasty thick red scar. Doc advised me to apply a silicone gel pad, and it helped reduce itches, peeling and various other not very nice symptoms. It also protects the scar, which is a plus.

http://global.smith-nephew.com/master/CICACARE_27518.htm

@ wikey

Nice story but you should have gone M5 / M6. It would have saved you 80 miles ;)

I'll take Mrs O to Paris.

Clive that sucks, I'll do laps of RP in your honour tomo morning...