"Oh Shit" moments...

Over the weekend i came a cropper on a nice 90km country ride.

Its a sweltering 30degrees and humid as furk, sweaty and tired as the wind has been blustering in all directions throughout the morning we had just started our homeward leg of the journey. After some inclines on rougher surfaces and feeling the ache and burn in thighs we were enjoying a beautiful undulating gentle decline along a tree-lined sigle lane country road savouring the passing shade before the more open roads and unforgiving sun again. A nice cool breeze instead of the blustry gusts felt like heaven momenterily whilst i checked myself over noting the number of flies and bugs and grass seeds (general countryside crap) glued to my sweaty limbs and jersey before taking a refreshing couple of gulps from my pocket bottle! the beautiful undulating shadow cast decline increased in gradient toward the bottom of the hill before a mirroring small incline the otherside. the after affects of that momentary heaven needed an adrenalin rush to boot so i returned the water bottle to my jersey pocket and bombed the last 50 or so metres before pushing up the incline with speed and ease and as i was reaching the peak of that said incline relaxed down sat up and took my hands off the bars...

With the high contrasing sunsplattered road and deep black shadows i had not seen the surface of the road which had been seriously distorted by a tree root. And with the me sitting up, lifting hands off bars and relaxing too much after the glory of beating an incline into submission with nothing but the strength and energy i have disposable to my mere human body, mother earth took a swipe! Front wheel initially drops into small hole throwing my weight forward and then the wheel quickly comes up towards me whilst my weight and body is shifting over the bar. the slow motion kicks in as my hands miss the bars, back wheel comes up and i am doing for what feels like the longest endo in history cycling on my front wheel only with no hands! slow motion quickly turns into real time as the front wheel naturally kicks off to the side, my bare hands (it had been hot remember!) hit tarmac (still clipped in at this moment), left elbow goes down and onto my shoulder (I come unclipped at this point as my bike has follwed me, saddle smashing the road, behind seat waterbottle and cage smash and I slide what seems to be forever on my back tearing technical fabrics, skin, burning thru the plastic watterbottle in my rearpocket which somehow manages to stay put but leaves just a big damp orange patch over my ripped lycra, and scraping the face off my mobile phone until i come to a halt...... took a moment or two to get up and hop around like a loon and still feeling the pain on my knee, elbow, shoulder and hands now.

That'll learn me. keep your hands on the damn handlebar!

^that was longer than it was meant to be... should have put more paragraphs in there!

Blimey. Sounds nasty. You ok?

^^ ouch sounds bad.

should always wear gloves mind.

yeah i"m fine thanks Sparky. funnily enough i re-opened scabs that had started to form from a little tumble earlier in the week.... loads of blood second time round although somehow my average speed increased by 2km for th remaining 30 k's of the journey! must of been the adrenalin :)

i know what your thinking- yes i can ride a bike properly! first and second accident this year fall days apart!

the gloves were really pissing me off as the are old and knackered and am waiting for my newly orderd pair to arrive... still no excuse hangs head in shame

^^^^^ Ouch.

I experienced the same crash-fuelled adrenalin boost a while ago, halfway through an 18 mile commute. The extra speed made up for the time I lost lying on the tarmac, I'm not even sure I was late.

I build up a new ti hard tail mtb. I think to myself better be a bit careful, you've not ridden a hard tail for a decade, it's bound to be faster and less forgiving and it's got less grippy tyres on it.

I just can't believe how fast it is on the first ride. Second ride I am tanking along a stretch of gravel/mud track, I see a muddy patch ahead and think 'spare the XTR' and head for the edge. The edge is precisely that - a thin edge with a camber hidden by grass . How fucking dumb can I be - I know never to try to be clever like that.

Bang down on left side. Elbow fucked again, ribs bad, quad bad. Bike unharmed (phew) same cannot be said for elbow. Wash it as best as I can in a cattle trough (in retrospect not a great idea)get home bind myself up then head to MIU next morning. At this stage I have hidden the accident from my wife who I know will tell me to stop riding. I get to MIU and they tell me - that will need sorting under general anaesthetic by the plastic surgeons. Fuck - at this point I have to own up to wife who not unaturally isn't very impressed at the subterfuge.
Off to big hospital . They suggest I wait another day when they have the ability to do it as a general anaesthetic as it's getting on the big side for local under local. I 'man up' and say I'm happy to do it under local something I deeply regret as the procedure is totally hideous, really flesh creepily awful The 2x 1" holes are 'debrided' of all the shit (read scraped with a chisel down to the bone and flesh cut off), stitched and I'm discharged and consuming all the painkillers I can lay my hands on.

Was the flesh removed because it got infected or just to make sure they had a clean edge to sew it back together?

A large beetle bounces off my upper lip, and goes harmlessly on its way. Oh shit, I think, I'm riding with my mouth open again.

Removed cos it had been torn off on 3 sides and wasn't really viable plus it was covered in crap.

Just out of 3 days in hospital on IV antibiotics owing to a large beetroot coloured arm on Saturday morning. The summer cycling season isn't exactly going to plan.

really? I thought beetroot was in season at the moment...

Oh look Hats 'punning' there's a turnip for the books

Swede ending to the story though......

Lettuce not dwell on it too much

Oak wrap...

Potato guys.

Carrot on chaps.

don't worry you'll feel better to-marrow

You guys talk such shallot of bollocks.

Shaftesbury Avenue today, turning right at a busy crossroads, I felt the rear wheel slip and had just enough time to think, "this is going to hurt", before... it gripped again and I carried on riding. As you were.

will you all peas just stop it now

One day we'll mange tout leave the puns alone on this forum.

The problem is that there's always a punnet of them around, but we must try hard, even if it feels raddicchiol.

These puns are rad...

ish.