Football

I tell you who is available though.... Harry Redknapp

Thierry Henry to Villa.

Other than to visit the many factory shops for some cheap China?

Oh my days. You lot all did this after Lambert left and then we ended up with Sherwood (out). Please don't let it happen again. Aren't we in enough shit as it is?

You're all mean.

Just knock this Villa lark on the head and support Middlesbrough.

Or a closer team above 'boro in the table

Might change to West Ham like Cameron. Same colours innit.
Live close to Selhurst Park though, so that's an option.

Burnley?

Liked that Stoke piece Clive. Have to say Stoke has always been my reference point for everything shit when talking about this country. I go you one further , I bet no Brits have been to stoke save those who live there or foolishly follow their team away from home

Even then, no need to go there. The Britannia is neatly located well out of town. Drive, parek up by the stadium and leave as quickly as possible.

Is Neil Warnock available?

How about

I wonder what Billy Davies is up to these days?

I'm sitting in the Clapton Hart and there is a guy wearing a Villa top Trying to yentz some Doris to my right and two old Gooners talking about Chelsea conspiracy theories to my left.

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to my right. Here I am.

I've had some cracking nights out in Stoke.

I wouldn't know Clive . To me that sounds too risky. Car breaks down and you have to go into Stoke (does Stoke even exist? Isn't it made up of several small towns in an area?) to catch a train. Imagine if when you got to the station the trains were cancelled. It's 11:30 at night and you need a place to stay for the night. You try hitch hiking but locals don't know what the international thumbs up sign means for hitching because nobody has evolved a thumb in Stoke. Some locals stop to look at your thumb in wonderment and a crowd starts to gather.
Too risky Clive. Stay at home and catch highlights on MOTD even if it is guaranteed to be last match on.

Wouldn't need to change his bedroom colour scheme.

I've only ever driven through Stoke. I knew two people from Stoke. I couldn't understand why they sounded scouse.

It has to be Colin to Villa.

Half my mum's side of the family's from Hanley (one of the five towns). True, there's not a lot left since coal and pottery went, but the people are very nice.*

Also, scouse!? Stokies sound about as scouse as your average Liverpool fan!

*the ones who don't film and upload the inter-ethnic battles at their schools and upload them to YouTube.

Also, Staffordshire oatcakes are very good, and there used to be a street in Stoke with a few really good independent guitar shops. And Waterworld, where we used to go as a treat as kids.

People from Stoke sound like inbred fucktards. Which is about right.
It is a vision of Hell on Earth.

There is another top top football manager available for work at the moment. Maybe Villa should give him a call.

What Villa really need is Glenn Hoddle's unique management style.

Ha, next you'll be suggesting Paul Jewel.

Hold on, he's available isn't he?

All proper football men.

Nailed it.

And they totally sound like wools.