Jokes / Joke du jour!

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  • I heard it was full of strawberry preserve. The road was completely jammed.

  • I thought it was furniture polish. Eyewitnesses reported seeing the lorry veneering from side to side before the crash.

  • The cause of all of these accidents has been revealed. A large hole has appeared in the motorway. Police are looking into it.

  • True or false: Brian May?

  • with all the talk of ed and david miliband in the press its often forgotten that there was a third, older miliband brother who died in a plane crash.....glen miliband.

  • What's the difference between a cricket ball and a ginger vagina?

    If you really, really force yourself you could eat a cricket ball.

  • with all the talk of ed and david miliband in the press its often forgotten that there was a third, older miliband brother who died in a plane crash.....glen miliband.

    Don't forget their uncle.. Steve Miliband

  • [QUOTE]shortbread... they're not making it any longer

    hahaha thought this was the epic fail thread for a sec and got actually worried.

    then i got it.[/QUOTE]

    i put this beaut of a joke on my facebook page. then my aunt sent me a box of shortbread to prove that "they are still making it, you know". bless.

  • Fucking win. Where's mine?

  • True or false: Brian May?

    I don't know, but Ronnie Wood.

  • Carol Vorderman must be my biggest MILF fantasy - Mathematician I'd like to formulae

  • Fucking win. Where's mine?

    if you can use super duper spy skillz to find my house, you can have half the packet.

  • So far this morning:

    My pasty chef girlfriend has maxed out her credit card again....choux shopping

    My pastry chef girlfriend finished with me. I'm devastated. Hope she takes me baklava

    I was seeing a confectioner for a while but in the end I kicked her to the curd

  • My pastry chef girlfriend only sells her produce to people called Lorraine. It is admittedly a very quiche market

  • My pastry girlfriend's left me. I'm gutted, I really kneed her.

  • Mine too, the tart

  • My pastry girlfriend left me. I filo empty without her.

  • I volunteered to take part in a Bukkake session at London Zoo.

    I don't know what came over me.
    
  • I'm going to give my Girlfriend a flour to try and win her back

  • Shakespeare walks into a pub and the landlord says "Get out, you're Bard!"

  • The Sensitive Man

    A woman meets a man in a bar.
    They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.. They get back to his place,

    And as he shows her around his apartment.

    She notices that one wall of his bedroom is
    Completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

    There are three shelves in the bedroom,

    With hundreds and hundreds of cute,

    Cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
    In rows, covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken
    Quite some time to lovingly arrange them

    And she was immediately touched
    By the amount of thought he had
    Put into organizing the display.

    There were small bears all along
    The bottom shelf,

    Medium-sized bears covering the
    Length of the middle shelf,

    And huge, enormous bears running
    All the way along the top shelf.

    She found it strange for an
    Obviously masculine guy

    To have such a large collection of
    Teddy Bears,

    She is quite impressed by his
    Sensitive side.
    But doesn't mention this to him.

    They share a bottle of wine and
    Continue talking and,

    After awhile, she finds herself
    Thinking,

    'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
    Could be the one!

    Maybe he could be the future
    Father of my children?'

    She turns to him and kisses him
    Lightly on the lips
    He responds warmly.
    They continue to kiss, the passion builds,

    And he romantically lifts her in
    His arms and carries her into his bedroom

    Where they rip off each other's
    Clothes and make hot, steamy love.
    She is so overwhelmed that she
    Responds with more passion,
    More creativity, more heat than she
    Has ever known.
    After an intense, explosive night
    Of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
    They are lying there together in
    The afterglow.
    The woman rolls over, gently
    Strokes his chest and asks coyly,
    'Well, how was it?'
    The guy gently smiles at her,
    Strokes her cheek,
    Looks deeply into her eyes,

    And says:
    'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'

  • ^^^^^^^^^^^^ hahahaha

  • just remembered a great joke:-
    northerner goes into a pub in London and orders a pint of bitter,
    when the drink arrives without any froth on it he says
    "wheres the head on that luv, up your arse? "

    happy monday to you

  • what do you call a man with no shins?

    ....

    Tony

  • What do you call a man with no knees and no shins?

    ...

    Neil

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Jokes / Joke du jour!

Posted by Avatar for Pistanator @Pistanator

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