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• #877
I thought it was furniture polish. Eyewitnesses reported seeing the lorry veneering from side to side before the crash.
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• #878
The cause of all of these accidents has been revealed. A large hole has appeared in the motorway. Police are looking into it.
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• #879
True or false: Brian May?
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• #880
with all the talk of ed and david miliband in the press its often forgotten that there was a third, older miliband brother who died in a plane crash.....glen miliband.
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• #881
What's the difference between a cricket ball and a ginger vagina?
If you really, really force yourself you could eat a cricket ball.
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• #882
with all the talk of ed and david miliband in the press its often forgotten that there was a third, older miliband brother who died in a plane crash.....glen miliband.
Don't forget their uncle.. Steve Miliband
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• #883
[QUOTE]shortbread... they're not making it any longer
hahaha thought this was the epic fail thread for a sec and got actually worried.
then i got it.[/QUOTE]
i put this beaut of a joke on my facebook page. then my aunt sent me a box of shortbread to prove that "they are still making it, you know". bless.
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• #884
Fucking win. Where's mine?
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• #885
True or false: Brian May?
I don't know, but Ronnie Wood.
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• #886
Carol Vorderman must be my biggest MILF fantasy - Mathematician I'd like to formulae
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• #887
Fucking win. Where's mine?
if you can use super duper spy skillz to find my house, you can have half the packet.
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• #888
So far this morning:
My pasty chef girlfriend has maxed out her credit card again....choux shopping
My pastry chef girlfriend finished with me. I'm devastated. Hope she takes me baklava
I was seeing a confectioner for a while but in the end I kicked her to the curd
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• #889
My pastry chef girlfriend only sells her produce to people called Lorraine. It is admittedly a very quiche market
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• #890
My pastry girlfriend's left me. I'm gutted, I really kneed her.
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• #891
Mine too, the tart
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• #892
My pastry girlfriend left me. I filo empty without her.
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• #893
I volunteered to take part in a Bukkake session at London Zoo.
I don't know what came over me.
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• #894
I'm going to give my Girlfriend a flour to try and win her back
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• #895
Shakespeare walks into a pub and the landlord says "Get out, you're Bard!"
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• #896
The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.. They get back to his place,And as he shows her around his apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is
Completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.There are three shelves in the bedroom,
With hundreds and hundreds of cute,
Cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
In rows, covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken
Quite some time to lovingly arrange themAnd she was immediately touched
By the amount of thought he had
Put into organizing the display.There were small bears all along
The bottom shelf,Medium-sized bears covering the
Length of the middle shelf,And huge, enormous bears running
All the way along the top shelf.She found it strange for an
Obviously masculine guyTo have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears,She is quite impressed by his
Sensitive side.
But doesn't mention this to him.They share a bottle of wine and
Continue talking and,After awhile, she finds herself
Thinking,'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
Could be the one!Maybe he could be the future
Father of my children?'She turns to him and kisses him
Lightly on the lips
He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds,And he romantically lifts her in
His arms and carries her into his bedroomWhere they rip off each other's
Clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she
Responds with more passion,
More creativity, more heat than she
Has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night
Of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
They are lying there together in
The afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
Strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her,
Strokes her cheek,
Looks deeply into her eyes,And says:
'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf' -
• #897
^^^^^^^^^^^^ hahahaha
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• #898
just remembered a great joke:-
northerner goes into a pub in London and orders a pint of bitter,
when the drink arrives without any froth on it he says
"wheres the head on that luv, up your arse? "happy monday to you
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• #899
what do you call a man with no shins?
....
Tony
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• #900
What do you call a man with no knees and no shins?
...
Neil
I heard it was full of strawberry preserve. The road was completely jammed.