Jokes / Joke du jour!

Ha!

My friend's dog ate all the letters from their scrabble set last weekend
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Since then it's been leaving little messages all over the garden

@JAHtim taking over this thread like @amey in HHSRB.

like Starbucks in gentrified cities

Why are North Koreans so good at drawing straight lines?

Because they have a Supreme Ruler.

Is that one of those shatterproof ones with a red and white sticker added?

Where does an albatross re-fuel

At the petrel station

A friend of mine who works for southern rail wouldn't let me anywhere near his advent calendar
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' We like to open the doors thanks '

Just come back with some classical music records
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That's the Christmas Chopin done

10/10

Santa is on his way from 'Apand.

No L

Ok I liked that one

V GOOD. Did a lol

A Chopin Liszt if you will

A former classical musician friend of mine is lacking in energy and enthusiasm.
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They're feeling Lisztless

Father Christmas has been improving his magic tricks
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It's his sleigh-t of hand

Nope, sorry - I usually enjoy a groanworthy punfest, but I must object to the pronunciation mismatch here.

How does an Eskimo build his house?

Igloos it together.

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?

Can you smell carrots?

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Anna!
Anna who?
ANNA PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREEEEEEEEE!!!

yesssss.

Yebbut, how about if the Queen told that joke ? That's her pronunciation to a T

What did bruce Forsyth always have for his Christmas dinner
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' good game , good game'

How does darth vader like his turkey cooked
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On the dark side

Father Christmas is in trouble with the inland revenue
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He forgot to submit his elf assessment form

A cannabis enthusiast friend of mine has put up their Christmas decorations
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There's a lovely Reef on the front door