Jokes / Joke du jour!

She said "I'm leaving you because I'm sick of you pretending you're a supermarket cashier."

I said "Can I help you with your bags?"

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

My wife said she was going to leave me unless I would give up my Oasis obsession.

I said maybe.

I actually left my wife.

Didn't see that coming did you.

I'd say to her on my birthdays.

She's blind.

Whahahaha

Rep

Brilliant

Real life lol.

Not me....a friend...

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Web designer! Hahaha

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I got in touch with my inner self last night.
That’s the last time I buy Poundland toilet paper.

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I asked a barista why she was wearing a surgical mask.
She answered, "It's not a surgical mask, it's a coughey filter."

Not bad, but I would change the punchline to just "It's even more stupid backwards".

My mate said I'm not a real cockney so I pushed him down the grapes and tangerines.

How much does cockney shampoo cost?

Pantene

Amazing. Sent straight to ms_com. My brother used to relish in calling her a cockney, to which she always screamed "Oim not a fackin cockney!!" which didn't help her position. Then found out her family mostly stemmed from proper East End. A great uncle was a car salesman called Honest Henry.

/csb

Honest Henry

How would one pronounce that?

Miss out the 'H' on both words?

Correct

A priest, a vicar and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I might be a type O"

Hehe :)

with all this self isolation going on and with no sport on today, I thought I would chat to the wife...
apparently she got made redundant from woolworths