Jokes / Joke du jour!

Is that exclusively lesbihens?

Could eggsplain your lack of success?

I app-solutely love that one...@mmccarthy Being cooped up in the office, made me laugh over and over ag-hen

eggsactly

2 large free-range eggs
2 tablespoons milk
sea salt
freshly ground black pepper
2 slices of fresh bread , (roughly 1.5cm thick)
olive oil

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?

Because if it had 4, it would be a chicken sedan.

Either a hatch-ery back?

Eggsecutive saloon?

Don't you have to shell out a bit more for an eggsecutive saloon?
There are cheeper options.

They're albumen pricey if you ask me.

Best ovoid cars and ride a bike instead

Yolks/ yolk du jour!

What do you call a rooster courier?

A despatchcock.

Fuck me I made that up.

I'm genius. Really

That's an-eouf.

the only funny one was No. 3... And he's not even very funny.

Edinburgh's so passe.

News just in...

There is industrial action at the Black and Decker factory....
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Yes the workers have decided to down tools...

Meanwhile in other news....

My French Egg Farming friend is really ill
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He says he feels really eouf-al

I don't get this one. Isn't that just what that phrase means?

It's like saying "she wanted to have sex, so I had sex with her...nudge nudge, wink wink"

(Let me know if you see any further joy anywhere and I'll be sure to kill that too)

It's like saying "she wanted to have sex, so I had sex with her...nudge nudge, wink wink"

I like that, that's pretty funny.

I suppose it's a single entendre

Launching today, a new travel info service for those who are just curious about train times rather than booking a specific journey
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Notional Rail Enquiries

Tried to change my computer password today to 'beefstew1'

Computer said it wasn't stroganoff..

I've had a change of career

Decided to take up podiatry

It's going really well, I think I've fallen on my feet

Just been sacked from my job at the helium factory. I simply won't be spoken to like that.

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the
85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this.. first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

I pulled a nymphomaniac stand up comedian last night
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Yes she was gagging for it

I've been so busy of late setting up my plumbing business...
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Yes it's been all cisterns go !