Jokes / Joke du jour!

paddys wife goes to the doctor complaining that after ten years of marriage she had never had an orgasm. The doctor advised her to relax and use a fan to keep her cool during sex. Paddy refused to pay money for a fan and asked his mate if he would mind waving a towel while they made love, but still she didnt orgasm. Next day she asked Paddy if they could swap over. and so paddys mate made love to her and after 20 minutes of the best mind blowing sex she'd ever had, she orgasmed. Paddy looked at his mate and said.... "and that, my old son, is how to flap a fucking towel"..

haha! love it.

A man goes to the doctor's and the doctor says 'you really must stop masturbating'
'Why?' says the man
'Because I am trying to examine you'

very nice

When my grandad was very ill, my gran decided to rub lots of grease on his back...

...after that he went downhill very quickly

http://www.defectiveyeti.com/half_head_orange.html

here's one for you...
a man and a giraffe walk in to a pub and proceed to get hammered: beers, shots, cocktails, the lot. you name it, they drink it. the giraffe eventually collapses and lays passed out on the floor of the pub.

the man gets up, steps over the giraffe and makes a beeline for the door. when the bartender notices what is going on he yells, "oi! you can't leave that lyin' there!" to which the drunken man replies, "it's not a lion! it's a giraffe."

one of my favourites

What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?

Roberto

What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?

Roberto

lol

What's the difference between a duck?

One of it's legs is both the same.

It’s been announced on Sky Sports News that Capello has phoned Wayne Bridge to let him know that John Terry has lost his captain’s armband.

He has asked Bridge to check under the bed

did you hear about the dyslexic satanist?

he sold his soul to santa

Without wishing to come over all PC I don't think people should joke about dyslexia. The National Dyslexic Association do a lot of good work. Google www.dna.org if you're interested.

It’s been announced on Sky Sports News that Capello has phoned Wayne Bridge to let him know that John Terry has lost his captain’s armband.

He has asked Bridge to check under the bed

Following the return of Sol Campbell to Arsenal, Arsene Wenger swooped to beat the transfer deadline yesterday and brought Barry White, Alexander O'Neil and Freddy Jackson to the Emirates.

He plans to play a fat black four.

Without wishing to come over all PC I don't think people should joke about dyslexia. The National Dyslexic Association do a lot of good work. Google www.dna.org if you're interested.

Please do accept my heart felt alopogise but ftw has www.and.com got to do with dyslexia?

Following the return of Sol Campbell to Arsenal, Arsene Wenger swooped to beat the transfer deadline yesterday and brought Barry White, Alexander O'Neil and Freddy Jackson to the Emirates.

He plans to play a fat black four.

ricast

Without wishing to come over all PC I don't think people should joke about fat people either. The Weight Watchers Association do a lot of good work. Google www.creameclairswitheverymeal.com if you're interested

Without wishing to come over all PC I don't think people should joke about dyslexia. The National Dyslexic Association do a lot of good work. Google www.dna.org if you're interested.

in that case i guess you won't want to hear the one about the dyslexic skier who was desperate for a fag and asked a tobboganist for 20 marlboro light?

or the one who walked into a bra.....

Without wishing to come over all PC I don't think people should joke about fat people either. The Weight Watchers Association do a lot of good work. Google www.creameclairswitheverymeal.com
if you're interested

linky fixed

On newswipe

"I'm Doug Stanhope, and that's why I drink"

hahahaha

How many musos does it take to screw in
a lightbulb?

It's a pretty obscure number.
You probably haven't heard of it.

*Stolen from popbitch

whats the difference between a miscarriage and a train-carriage?

you can't eat a train-carriage.

euuuuuuurgh

I quit my job in a helium factory.
I won't be spoken to in that tone.

I once fell head-over-heels in love with a girl who worked in a petrol station. We got engaged, but after a couple of months she broke off the engagement.

I was devastated. To this day, I can't drive past that petrol station without filling up.

Whats the best time to go to the dentist?

2:30

bwahahaaa!

what's red a squeals?

a peeled baby in a bag of salt.

classy