Jokes / Joke du jour!

That's a very nice joke dad.

It would still have been a LARDuous journey

Dad jokes eh? Where do ya draw the line?

'That's a very niche dad joke.'

That's a pretty good Schorn Connery impreshion....

As opposed to a Sean Connery selfie.

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I have a transvestite friend who lives just outside of Manchester.

He's got a Wigan address.

I tell dad jokes even though I'm not a father.

I'm a faux pas.

good stuff - keepemcomin'

That's a very niche dad joke.

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

Frick. Nothing new here. I'm needing a smile boys n girls. Come on.....

How about a 4-page long pun-fest?

So, who or what will it be that gets punned?

Maybe the french?

I was choosing paint in Homebase and some bounder smacked me upside the head with a power tool! I was just standing there and BOSCH!

I got thrown out of Homebase for taking a piss in the shower. The guy said someone might want to buy it. Fair point.

you've got some gaul, mate...

Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer and everyone goes "Oooh, sexy!" yet when I do it I get a life ban from Homebase, it's one law for them etc.

That's one way to slash prices

I went in Homebase and an old geezer came up and asked if I wanted decking?! I got the first punch in and swore never to return.

I was in Homebase the other day pushing my trolley around when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart.
I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other.
What does your wife look like?" The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra.
What does your wife look like?" I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."

Shamelessly googled Homebase jokes for this one.

Once I agreed to a blind date just because I knew she had her own car, she got really mad when she found out I only suggested we go for a spin as I had a few errands to run for my new place so there was no chance of a second date and we never saw each other again.

but at least I got to homebase.

these are terrible, please stop.

I didn't know blind people could drive cars.

Homebase is all well and good, but it's no IKEA is it?