Jokes / Joke du jour!

What's the difference between ann robinsons vagina and a cricket ball?

You can eat a cricket ball

not a joke per se but i love this kind of humour in people, myself i would award this student A*

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I once spent an evening with Lola or Layla

                     She said make me breathless I hid her   inhaler

I got this new deodorant today.
The instructions said remove cap and push up bottom.
I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells awesome.

There's a terrible traffic jam on Quality Street this afternoon... it's chock-a-block.

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Kylie Min

Kylie Min who?

Kylie Minogue

Dissaponted; expected something much more tasteless from you mr pistanator.

Jordan goes into a Bentley showroom and buys a brand new car

"I want it modified for Harvey" she says to the salesman

"No problem" he says "What flavour do you want the windows?"

Coat.........

ha!

Lionel Richie, bored with the music industry decides to convert to Islam and open a butchers

Shop opens first thing Monday morning and his first customer walks in.

Lionel turns to him:

"Halal, is it meat your looking for?"

Coat.....

There's a kebab shop in Dalston with that name.

^ I was going to say exactly that.

During a recent password audit by our company, it was found that a
blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoDonaldGoofyHueyDeweyLouie

When asked why such a big password, she said she was told it had to be
at least 8 characters.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?

Santa always stops after 3 'ho-s

Q: How do find Will Smith when he's
lost in the snow?

A: You look for the fresh prints.

^ Class

two peanuts got into an argument, one was assaulted.

what's brown and screams

stevie wonder answering the iron

what's the difference between a golf ball and a car?

tiger woods can drive a golf ball 400 yards.

also did you know that tiger is rebranding himself? he's changing his name to cheetah

Holy shit how have I just seen this thread?!

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal .
Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."
Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

Just for future reference, where do we draw the line with regards to PC-ness on jokes here?

What's the difference between ann robinsons vagina and a cricket ball?

You can eat a cricket ball

I kept wondering why the cricket ball kept getting larger and larger.

And then it hit me.

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Kylie Min

Kylie Min who?

Kylie Minogue

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Alzheimer

Alzheimer who?

Knock knock

what's brown and screams

stevie wonder answering the iron

Endless love, Stevie Wonder playing tennis with Ray Charles.