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Ulrika Johnsson had to be rushed out of the Big Brother house to hospital last night after sitting on her mobile phone
No big deal though, it won't be the first time she's had an Ericsson up her arse!Coat................
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[B][I]My neighbor found out that her dog could hardly hear, so she took it to the Veterinarian.[/I][/B]
***[B][I]The Vet found that the problem was hair in the dogs ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the drug store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month. ***The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair" hair remover. At the register, the druggist tells her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."***The lady says: "I'm not using it under my arms." ***The druggist says: "If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days."The lady says: "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."[/I][/B]
[B][I]The druggist says: "Stay off your bicycle for about a week."[/I][/B] -
boooo! where'd it go?!
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How much dos a cockney pay for his shampoo?
Pantene.
I tried..
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I've got images in my head now of a 65yr old Peggy Mitchell lookalike getting fisted!
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A guy walks into a bar and asks the barman if he can drink for free all night.
"of course not" replys the barman
"but I can astonish and amaze your customers for the evening" explains the man
"OK if you can amaze me, you're on"
The man then produces a tiny man, in a tux, from his bag, together with a tiny piano. The tiny man then starts to play the piano, to the amazment of all the customers.
"How did you come by such a wonder" asks the barman
"Oh, I got a single wish from this lamp" says the man taking out a lamp from his bag.
"you can have it if you like, I have used my wish, simply rub it and whisper your wish into the top"
The barman rubs the lamp and whispers. Suddenly the bar is full of ducks, and chaos reigns.
"what the hell, I asked for a million bucks" exclaims the barman
The man replys
"Yeah, a 10 inch pianist is'nt exactly what i asked for either"(sorry)
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A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Asda with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The Asda greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning, and welcome to Asda. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,' replied the greeter. 'I just couldn't believe someone would shag you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Asda. -
500 israeli troops ahve rapidly entered Jordon.
Early reports say she is tired and her arse is sore but she will soldier on! -
A chemist walks into his shop to find a man leaning against the wall. 'Whats wrong with him" he asks. His assistant replies "He came in for cough syrup but i coudn't find any so i gave him an entire bottle of laxatives"
"You fucking idiot" the chemist says "You cant treat a cough with Laxatives!""Of Course you can" the assistant replies "Look at him now, he is too afraid to fucking cough"
Elioterio
Smallfurry
dogsballs
dicki
mattmadegood
JOL
provenrad
hellomiles
pajamas
Platini
photoben
Greasy_Slag
lpg-
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Posted by
@Pistanator
have you seen my small amphibian...
its my newt!
sorry