Jokes / Joke du jour!

Is the flatmate Gay?
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how handsome John's flatmate was. She had long been suspicious of Johns' sexual orientation and this only made her more curious.

About a week later, Mark came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Mark, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Mark. But the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed, he would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

Apparently 12 US soldiers drowned while digging Osama's grave..

Due to the death of Henry cooper Audley harrison has now moved 1 place up in the rankings

Cooper is spelt with a capital 'C'

harrison you can spell how you fucking like

http://twitpic.com/4r3mes/full

How can you tell Rastafarians enjoy Indian cuisine?

Because they praise highly the lassi.

(sorry, bored at work, and brain being fucking weird)

That is stunning.

How can you tell Rastafarians enjoy Indian cuisine?

Because they praise highly the lassi.

Should send that in to adam and joe.

I expect that's a dis of sorts, but I've done it. Hope you're happy now.

Q: What's blue and can't sing?

A: Blue

What's blue and white and can't climb trees?

A fridge in a denim jacket

Q: What's blue and can't sing?

A: Blue

That's fucking quality. Have a LOL.

how can you tell between a stoat and a weasel?

ones weaselly recognised and the others stoatally different

(ancient that one)

^ snarf snarf

I never used to like my beard, but it grew on me.

I was arrested for playing chess in the middle of the road yesterday, I asked the police officer; 'is it cos I am black?'

What's blue and white and can't climb trees?

A fridge in a denim jacket

What's blue & checked and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?

Rupert-the-fridge

Why are the McCanns so tanned?

They've been lying in the sun all week.

OOof.

Don't forget book sales.

throwing acid is wrong, in some peoples eyes.

I went to the pet shop and asked the guy if he had any hamsters going cheep.

He told me to fuck off

"My dog's got no nose."

'How does it smell?"

"it cant. It hasn't got a nose."

Knock knock

Who's there

Europe

Europe who?

No you're a poo.

I went to the pet shop and asked the guy if he had any hamsters going cheep.

He told me to fuck off

I went to the pet shop to buy my son a spider, they said it'd be 70 quid.

70 quid! Fuck that, I can get one cheaper of the web!