I hate

So we all hate kids then, yeah?

Shopping is not a family activity

Could be- could be an opportunity to learn how to conduct yourself in a public place ?

brightly coloured sweets and small toys on conveniently placed two foot tall shelving at the checkout

Do they still do this ? - I thought it was all 'healthy' snack bars and fruit stuff now.

Funny you should say that, I've heard that's on the way out. So to speak.

no comment due to impending fatherhood

Funeral plan adverts, with bad actors looking chirpy.

Regarding kids in trolleys, Donald Trump has the answer...."you want to go in the trolley little Timmy?" Pay pound, take trolley outside store, flip it upside down, stuff Timmy into cage, hey presto, Mexican detainment unit. Continue shopping in peace and upon your return said perp will have expended a few litres of snot and tears, that was otherwise going to be spread liberally around your car interior. Return trolley, and collect £, best £ spent ever.

My moan, cars warning beeps for everything that can't be turned off. Your reversing, beep, windows open, beep, and so on, boot open, seat belts, bonnet open. I'm wondering what sort of full on deep techno track I can create by setting them all off at once, and how big an accident it would cause.

You don't need to tell me the door is open, I'm the only one here you stupid fucking thing, I opened it. Last week I quickly swung by the supermarket, battling past the Mad Max style snotty caged kids outside the entrance, I did my shop and came out with 2 bags worth. I was not going far so just puts the bags on the passenger seat and drove off. Ping, ping, ping,this Ai fucking car thinks my shopping is a human and wants me to put a seat belt round it, its doing its nut beeping at me constantly and flashing the seat belt light on the dash. oh do fuck off. I turn the stereo up and drive the 2 miles home ignoring the fuck out it, like I am somehow teaching it a lesson, knowing full well its going to pull the exact same shit next time, wanker.

I am now going to have conduct a study with bags of potatoes and other shopping to calculate the exact weight of shopping and other goods I can put on the passenger seat without the fucking alarms going off. This is not safe and labour saving, it is pissing me off. If Basil Fawlty had a modern car he'd have fucking set it on fire within 5 mins of getting in it.

And yet, it is probably better that one person is reminded (shamed) into putting on their belt and thereafter surviving a head on collision, than a thousand people get annoyed by their shopping soundtrack. No?

If the shopping bag on the passenger seat falls over, you’re more likely to be distracted by it and be in a collision than if it is safely in the boot.

@mashton in theory yes, but not if I'm the one person ;)

@Ramsaye but I won't be distracted by it falling over because I am such an awesome driver this would not happen, and if the car was really Ai it should have known this. The previous god knows how many 10s of 1000's of miles I'd driven it had been totally without incident, I just wish it would cut me some fucking slack.

Yeah,
it's a pity there is no way of rescinding that EU directive preventing you from putting your shopping in the footwell of the passenger seat.

The threshhold weight for the sensor is an eery 75.205 ounces.

You don't have to put the seatbelt around the shopping, you can belt across the seat first... In fact if it's usually just you why not leave the passenger seatbelt belted across the seat all the time? Does a beep go off if it's belted without a sack of potatoes on it?

@mespilus what bend down like that with my back, I get internal beeping warning me against such moves. Wow 75 ounces, that's fuck all, that's about 2 litres. So if I buy 8 cans of beer, I've got to drink 4 of them before the sensor stops beeping....I'm not sure that would end well.

And @hoefla, this is obviously the correct answer and I rightly feel a complete tool for not thinking of this at the time. I may just put a seat belt round some potatoes next time anyway to see what the car makes of that. Its like close encounters of the 3rd kind. We've got to improve this interface, the first time the aliens get behind the wheel of a Ford Focus they're going to be... 'fuck this shit, waste this planet'

Yep, an alien getting behind the wheel of a Ford Focus would definitely say 'fuck, this is shit'.

This bluebottle.
Thick as shit .

People reciting epic poems in tv ads for building societies and banks - fuck you it’s a financial institution not the travails of Oddyseus.

This.
Plus the whole "hey we want to help you as much as possible, we're great, c'mon you can trust us"
If that was remotely true, don't charge me nearly as much interest on my mortgage, or give me an equivalent rate on my savings.

Cyclingnews comments. What a seething mass of dribbling wankers.

that fucking frank skinner football song

I think you'll find it was written by that speccy twat out of the Lightning Seeds...

anyone associated with it carries blame

I loved it when it came out, made me a bit teary... I was a silly twat...

That John Barnes rap though...

"Was"? 😘

All the pissed England potatoes in Bolton were singing it last night. Blood everywhere this morning. (and we won... eh?)