I hate

Food critics and master chef please just fuck off

This.

Bitter is a pale ale.

You know what he means tho

Britain's Got Talent.

It makes me feel sad inside.

mayonnaise on my keyboard

Be more careful tossing your salad.

Just had a pint with a friend who commutes by bike every day, yet doesn't know what brand his tyres are.

You hate your friend, the pint, drunk cycling, ignorance, or your condescending attitude?

I'm a huge fan of all of those things. Especially the last one.

Your being unrealistic expecting people to know details like that.
Mine are black. I only get interested in what tyres are fitted when they need replacing, once fitted I have better things to remember.

My train of though was:

1. What?! How would you not know that?
   
2. Actually that's ridiculous of me - he's just not particularly in to bikes.
   
3. I'll post a wry remark on the internet where the irony will be ambiguous.
   
4. "Nailed it"
   

Your friend is a better man than all of us.

Colleagues at work who snack like this

Blimey - you work with incontinent otters ?

Crumbs all over the office kitchen chairs come on, clean up after yourself...

I kno right, someone teach them some manners!

Unfortunately big sticks aren't allowed, with that and leaving boxes and other mess all over the office it's the only way :P

Have you tried passive-aggressive post-it notes? If so, the next step is the passive-aggressive company-wide email. I had a colleague in my last job who was the master of those. Always a genuine joy when they turned up in the inbox.

I'm beginning to suspect people can't read... :):)

A big massive sign to the recycling bins also didn't work until the bins were moved next to the recycling bins.

Screenshots or STFU!?! ;)

Fuck you.

Ah... Awkward

Not you obviously

People who complain about "cheaters" in the Strava Elevation/Distance challenges. Nobody gives a shit!

Sadly no access to emails now. Although I was inadvertently using their Creative Cloud account for a few months after I left.