OT: graphic designers shop knowledge required..

Very embarrassing.

Well, it wasn't very prudent of you.

(I know you won't mind me saying this.)

puts shotgun in mouth, places thumb on trigger

IIRC we didn't get layers 'til PhotoShop 3.0, innit? Crazy...

Our studio wouldn't get macs in for years.
They decided they were shit, and plumped instead for a Crossfield desktop publishing system.
It cost them quarter of a million, and it was utter, utter shit.

To get around any language problems they might have in selling each system overseas they decided to create a vast array of bewildering hieroglyphics that no-one could understand. Each hieroglyphic performed a specific tiny task - ther were thousands of these stupid little pictures.
The director who had decided to make this ridiculous investment also iinsisted we kept the beeper system switched on, so every click of the stupid poxy mouse was accompanied by a high pitched, 50 pence beeper screetching 'EEEP EEEP EEEP EEEP!!!'
They trained the best repro guy we had on this system, sent him on courses and made him read huge instruction manuals. In the meantime another boss bought two Apple Macs for the other lads to fuck about with.

As it happens, the Apple Macs proved rather successful.

The Crossfield set-up proved a massive white elephant.

Me and the lads ended up doing all the work.

Our top repro guy had a nervous breakdown and ended up getting sectioned because he set fire to his own house.

Happy days.

and you say there are no reproman stories left.

taking trannies to the 'retouchers' so they could put a wash of spunk over an over exposed area .

i beg your pardon?

lol.

I used to work with a lot of trannies.

They made me mount them, using a special oil.

I still feel traumatised.

well, one would need a special oil, or so I've heard.

I asked the production manager at one of the places I work at who they use to do their repro, I know it's a rare thing these days but something I should know... She stared back at me as if I'd been speaking to her in some ancient forgotten language...
"Repro? What's that?"
These guys make a lot of magazines, she's been in this job for years, yet she didn't know what I was talking about...
Weird...

It's like asking a three year old child, 'where do babies come from?'

People don't want to know what repro is.

Neither do I for that matter, but I can't afford a mindscrub on my poxy wages.

'repro'... how quaint.

/putting the 'Y?' into CMYK

I think I was at school or college when I found an issue of 'Hot Shoe International' it mentioned something called a Crossfield Mamba. Sounded cool. I think that magazine mutated in to Graphics International that perhaps turned into Grafik. Or I could be wrong. Later I had a demo of a Quantel Paintbox once in Newbury. Now that was cutting edge.

A proper scanner!

Check out this guy. Quite modern in comparison.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mac2214jv/4085982288/in/pool-41894171661@N01/

Christ, I've owned most of that shit at one time or another!

My phone has a bigger hard drive than some of those.

He must be young though, he doesn't have one of these

This makes me feel old.

That old iBook, no one ever mentioned in the design stage that it looks like a toilet seat.

'repro'... how quaint.

/putting the 'Y?' into CMYK

"Yellow"

Most people struggle with "K" (key).

You bastard.

That old iBook, no one ever mentioned in the design stage that it looks like a toilet seat.

A very good point, I bet few mid 90s executives browned the odd ibook.

'repro'... how quaint.

/putting the 'Y?' into CMYK

I missed that.

Cheeky fucker.

We still spend a great deal of our day wiping designer's arses and putting shit straight.

Fucking thankless.

We still spend a great deal of our day wiping designer's arses and putting shit straight.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!
If I had a pound for every time I've had to tell a repro guy he's wrong... :D

....You'd owe me fifteen pounds. ; )

I need some help with an idea for a website. I want to have all content on one page. So you'd only use the scroll bars to navigate left, right, up and down. So it would be like you were looking at a poster close up and rather having to move further away you move your head right or left up or down to see the rest off it. Sorry i hope this makes some sense.

This site will be my first foray into web design and have no idea where to start.

Sounds less like web design and more building of the website you need info on. Check out http://www.w3schools.com/ for some excellent tutorials.

Sounds like you want fixed potion for you navigation bars and then a large content section.
http://www.w3schools.com/css/css_positioning.asp