Jokes / Joke du jour!

I wanted to be a gynaecologist but couldn't find any openings

Dame Edna on her gynaecologist:

"He's very old now, and his hands shake. Of course, that's not necessarily a drawback."

My wife and her gynaecologist go back a long way....

My girlfriend has a nut allergy.
Sadly they make her chin itch

I went out with an agoraphobic once.
Well, I say went out...

My mate's a gynaecologist and he decorated his hall through the letterbox.

Ha :)

Once upon a time there some bats living in a loft. They lived happily ever rafter. The end.

Ever have sex while camping?

It's in tents.

It's International AfroCaribbean Hair Day tomorrow.

I'm dreading it.

Stuck a load of Lennon memorabilia on Ebay.

Imagine all the Paypal!

Both awesome.

How many immature people does it take to change a light bulb?

Your mum.

Earlier today I congratulated the Lidl checkout girl on the store's zombie theme. She said there isn't a zombie theme. That was awkward.

Last night I decided it was about time I did something good so started being'sober for October', there was limited success.

It's funny 'cause it's true...

How many immature people does it take to change a light bulb?

Your mum.

Done stole for facebook. Have given due cred.

Stuck a load of Lennon memorabilia on Ebay.

Imagine all the Paypal!

Do like. Repped, stolen etc!

It's funny 'cause it's true...

It would've made a better joke last night but I was too drunk to type it out.

Andy Coulson: filling red tops with column inches since 1996.

It's funny 'cause it's true...

.

Did you hear about the person who made their kid tell dad-jokes to get attention?

They were diagnosed with Monkhouse via proxy

Kids Telling Dirty Jokes: Talin - YouTube

The other day I noticed a colleague of mine had a picture of his children as his desktop wallpaper.

Typical, isn't it. If he has a picture of his kids on his computer it's allowed. If I have a picture of his kids on my computer I'll get fired.

http://www.lfgss.com/post3966423-391.html

I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.

So I pushed her over...