Your best responses during a road rage

I started this thread hoping to learn some of your quick, simple nut yet unbeatable arguements that we deserve a right on the road and to be respected. I don't necessary wish to inflict an angry reponse from the driver, rather I am seeking a few statements to express our views during these heated moments and hopefully change the way they drive from then onward.

Some of the most common verbal assaults from the drivers

"You don't pay any road tax"
"You were blocking my way"
"Sorry I didn't see you"

Look forward to hear yours.

"Your mum!" is my default reply. Can't decide if it is the height of whit or the sign of a childish/shallow mind.

I DO try to wave and smile at everyone who shouts at me though.

I punched a guys window a few weeks ago but normally normally it involves you cunt followed by something to do with their car

My favourite closer after I've been wronged and exchanged words is "Enjoy your wank."

Do a sexual dance or unparalleled allure while retaining a deep eye contact with my aggressor as I home in on them whilst whispering "I'm moist inside".

^ deep eye contact and a slow masturbation gesture is a good way to shock someone... anyone.

Keep a jar of peanut butter on your bike, when you get to the lights smear the bastards window with it. Also works with lipstick as you can personalise your responce, anything from an eloquent responce to a giant wang.

Flash my nips, lick a finger and circle the areola.

If I have a butt plug in I might throw it at them if I'm really irritated.

Blowing kisses or cupping my ear and pretending I can't hear their abuse are another two I've used.

If I have a butt plug in I might throw it at them if I'm really irritated.

Off to the Foffa thread with you!

Unleash the wing mirror tax

Unleash the wing mirror tax

I have done this by mistake and been chased by a car and had him try to run me off the road. I'd hate to think what would happen if I ever did it on purpose.

"Does your sister know you've borrowed her car?"

Only works if it's a proper lad driving though

I have done the tiny penis little finger waggle before.

Where you wave your tiny penis at them to demonstrate how pathetic their little fingers are.

I find going the polite-quiet route works best. In many cases, it instills a sense of guilt in the offending party. For instance, "Excuse me mate/luv, could you please be more careful next time because my kids nearly lost their father back then" (I don't have kids).

Of course though, the odd cuntfuckwanker does slip out.

Usually just CUNT!

I do say wanker or moron accompanied by the slow clap as I find they can be lipread quite well in the rearview mirror.

I go with the 'shocked and disapointed' look.

But then I have small kids, so its kind of an inbuilt reaction these days.

I usually motion to them to wind down their windows and then tell the driver "you don't even pay road tax" which gets pretty amusing reactions.

I did once hear another cyclist tell a motorist that the way he was driving was "how Diana died" but that's a bit overboard for me..

"Sorry I mate I didn't see you"

and

"Your car should be hi-vis"

usually solicit the best responses.

Careful, your kids nearly lost their real dad.

^rep

I punched a guys window a few weeks ago but normally normally it involves you cunt followed by something to do with their car

Unleash the wing mirror tax

Oh dear.

"Sorry I mate I didn't see you"

and

"Your car should be hi-vis"

usually solicit the best responses.

I like this approach.

I usually slap em this

www.ipayroadtax.com