For Sale: Foffa Single Speed Custom-built bicycle

BTW Orange flags your blog as adults only. If you haven't set it to be so, FYI.

Must be their own filters, possibly to do with how sweary my writing is.

Probably for the best, to be honest.

Thanks, m'dear!

Where's the typo? I usually rely on hms as my proof-reader!

Let me know and I'll edit.

Sorry - I haven't been keeping up with my duties of late. I have promised to have a look through. I hereby promise again!

I got to this poo party a little late, what a thread. Got through the whole thing in one sitting this morning, there were a good deal of LOL IRLs, I can tell you.

A friend of mine compiled a few poo-related stories into a blog a while ago. Some are good, but to be honest, the best ones here easily outrank them.

The Shitting Forecast

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/international/crappiest_flight_ever_passengers_qz53QQJuX0gWwGl6AEXW1M vomiting bug on long haul plane flight...

Air Shite

was in whitley bay the other night

foffing, left, right and chelsea the morning after

'fresh' crab roll

From "Oh shit moments..."

"Yesterday, first proper shit in living memory... Sweeeeeet!"

"How long 'til you can wipe?"

"...6-8 weeks."

#killjoy

"I never thought I'd be so pleased at hearing someone can shit. Congrats on shitting!"

"Cheers! Try going 6 months without... Nearly had the damn thing gilded."

"Bidet?"

"Yep, still can't do even that unassisted though."

"Small steps. Good to hear your recovery's progressing. You should've at least taken a photo if you weren't gonna gild it."

Filmed the whole process from start to finish... Not likely to be uploaded in a foreseeable future though.

"Foffa thread >>> "

Can't be arsed to spell out the whole damn story yet again, hence I found it inappropriate to post here, as, out of context, the tale somewhat lacks the CSB factor for which this thread is now renowned, but there you are.

The sensation though... Every little shit is magic!

Excellent. And cheers for not posting the video.

^^ Very good. Hm yes we forgot the little pleasures in life sometimes, like a healthy digestive system. Until we get Foffa'd and get a harsh reminder.

"Yesterday at a restaurant in Mombasa:

Me - "Excuse me Mr. Toilet Attendant, is there any toilet paper?"
Mr TA - "No, you can just use your hand."
Me - "Yeah. I'll just go get some serviettes."

So that's why they have the tap and a bucket in each cubicle."

"Been to several places in East Africa where they will quite happily use bank notes then rinse them in a bucket of water provided for this very purpose, or as the case might be in posh places rinse them under the tap. Kinda puts you off the finger food buffet at first, but hey ho, when in Rome..."

Belongs here...

From meme thread

That picture is all about the dog.

I've written a story about just that.

One of my first ever, actually.

I wouldn't use the word 'poop' though. It just sounds wrong.

A mate of mine, Leather Pete, was in a really, really crap rock band. Genuine rubbish. They'd tour the Yorkshire pub scene in a knackered transit van in classic style, kipping in the van between gigs.
One of the band members, Big Andy, was about thirty five stone. He was fucking massive. He lived on kebabs and pints of bitter. He was perfectly spherical, like a Mister Man. A ball with little arms and legs sticking out the sides.
Anyway, Big Andy's diet had completely fucked his guts. It got to the point where he had to fashion a kind of arse Tampax out of bog roll every night and ram it between his massive spotty arse cheeks to stop himself shitting his pants in the night.
One morning, at a remote layby off a God-forsaken A-road somewhere near Hull, Leather Pete was woken by the sounds of giggling. He heard Big Andy calling his name. Leather Pete famously suffered from viscious hangovers and he was feeling particularly fragile that morning, so he gingerly peeped out of the rusty van, blinking in the agonising sunlight.
He saw Big Andy standing behind a tree with his pants down. When Big Andy saw Leather Pete he reached back and pulled the bog roll from out of his arse.
It released the floodgates.
A great torrent of liquid shit burst out of his arse under pressure, spitting and spattering into huge steaming pool of crap in the grass.
It was too much for Leather Pete.
He started puking, hoying out of the van door onto the ground, and this made Big Andy shit even harder from laughing and this made Leather Pete puke even more.
It nearly killed him.
He almost gave himself a hernia from puking and he burst so many blood vessels in his eyes that the whites were a deep red for weeks afterwards and he had to wear shades all the time to stop freaking people out.

I don't think Big Andy is alive anymore. Hardly surprising.

Brilliant!

A mate of mine picked up something really malevolent in India when he lived there for a year. Every time he got even slightly ill for years after he would blow his eyes bright red. Looked like something from Let The Right One In.

Cross posted from Fail thread courtesy of Grooves.

It Wasn't Me | Official - YouTube

I got to this poo party a little late, what a thread. Got through the whole thing in one sitting this morning, there were a good deal of LOL IRLs, I can tell you.

A friend of mine compiled a few poo-related stories into a blog a while ago. Some are good, but to be honest, the best ones here easily outrank them.

The Shitting Forecast

I haven't read the whole thread so not sure if this has been done but I also had a friend who compiled poo-related stories. His mainly involved the gay scene and were all compiled from IM chats with the people concerned.

http://blog.disappointment.com/category/tales-of-the-smear/

http://old.disappointment.com/randomacts/msnsoiling.htm

Come on nick warner, every sixth form college in the country has a similar girlfriend-anal-shit-dog-put-down story.

I may be 4 weeks too late, and 4 weeks too late to this thread, but exactly this. Heard that story back in 1997 and a mate at uni got it published in FHM (cringe/csb) in 1999. Circa 2004 my arse (excuse the pun).

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=b7l6jg4Hlog&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Db7l6jg4Hlog

I just stole this from someone, and I couldn't think of a better place for it:-

My mum has always liked looking 'proper' and has always wanted her family to do too.
Because of this, she always does too much ironing, as everything has too look 'right'.
Despite always complaining about having lots of ironing to do, for some reason she will always iron socks and underwear.
Her reasoning for this, is "What if you get hit by a bus, and when you're in the hospital, people will see that you've not bothered ironing your underwear"
After years of telling her to stop doing this, as even if anyone sees my underwear, they wouldn't care about if its creased or not, to no avail.
So, my mum was doing the ironing in the other room, when she called me in.
"I've just realized there's no point me ironing the underwear"
"Why's that mum"
"Well, if you get hit by a bus..."
"Yes"
"If you get hit by a bus, you'd probably shit yourself anyway"

and this