Sort-of memes that are cracking you up at the moment

^^what about vegan omelettes?

http://vegan-magic.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/vegan-omelette.html

I had a job clearing the industrial run off ditch at a pig food factory when I was a lad. Knee deep in lorry slime, goggled up with a mask to stifle the stench I must have sliced through a wasp's nest with my sickle. I didn't have a clue I'd done it until I looked down at my shadow and saw what looked like the specter of death amassing itself above my head. I turned to see the sky blackening with very ticked off wasps and scrambled awkwardly out of the ditch. I ran across the forecourt in the direction of the works canteen only to find the double hard sadists who populate the factory floor blocking the door so I couldn't get in. As the wasps gathered around me I couldn't think what else to do so I went over to the lorry wash, pulled the hose lever and stood under torrents of freezing water until the yellow jackets got sick of it and fucked off.

I took great delight in returning to that nest with a ton of evil powder and killing the shit out of the little fuckers. Shame I couldn't do the same to the knuckle heads who locked me out.

"What about vegan omelettes?"

Bon Appetit!

From the wasp talk thread:

Some wasps are so horrible famously they made Darwin question God: "I cannot persuade myself that a beneficent & omnipotent God would have designedly created the Ichneumonidæ with the express intention of their feeding within the living bodies of caterpillars."

http://www.darwinproject.ac.uk/entry-2814 - above quote
http://www.radiolab.org/2009/sep/07/ - first 12 or so minutes but great podcast overall
http://www.popsci.com/scitech/article/2008-06/voodoo-wasp - poorly written article

The wasps nest is destroyed. Drowned it, hacked it to pieces with a shovel, twatted some wasps, drowned them some more.

When dealing with wasps nests it's good to smear your face with honey as it repels them. It's how bees keep them out of their hives.

That's what I told my wife, I was very worried about wasps attacking both my genitals, and a dogs tongue.

A couple of years ago I was cycling through a long and open road near ealing, holding a fair bit of speed. I remember gritting my teeth in lactic heaven, thinking I was a TT god in the making. I then felt a sudden sharp pain on my right shoulder blade. "Fantastic" I thought to myself, "this is a new and interesting cramp I have never felt before, I must be hitting new heights in my training".

I pedalled through it as this is what real men do. However the pain seemed to intensify so I reached around with my hand to investigate. I felt a lump in there, followed by the unmistakeable vibration that only a wasp/bee could produce. Needless to say, as a man who is petrified of these buzzing fucks I had an all out pussy fest, slammed on my brakes, jumped off and ripped my shirt off. A pedestrian just happened to be walking by and I yelped at him and asked him to inspect my back. I don't remember his response, probably due to shock.

And funnily enough, that was the second of such instances that has happened to me, the first involving a bee. I now wear tight jerseys. Never again.

Left a can of cider to one side while testing a generator at a festival. Came back to it and had a swig.

My first impression was that some twat had put a fag out inside it until the sodding wasp stung me on my gum.

I legged it for St. Johns who had ant-histamine tablets. I swallowed the wasp after biting down on it...

That's what I told my wife, I was very worried about wasps attacking both my genitals, and a dogs tongue.

Funny fucker

A couple of years ago I was cycling through a long and open road near ealing, holding a fair bit of speed. I remember gritting my teeth in lactic heaven, thinking I was a TT god in the making. I then felt a sudden sharp pain on my right shoulder blade. "Fantastic" I thought to myself, "this is a new and interesting cramp I have never felt before, I must be hitting new heights in my training".

I pedalled through it as this is what real men do. However the pain seemed to intensify so I reached around with my hand to investigate. I felt a lump in there, followed by the unmistakeable vibration that only a wasp/bee could produce. Needless to say, as a man who is petrified of these buzzing fucks I had an all out pussy fest, slammed on my brakes, jumped off and ripped my shirt off. A pedestrian just happened to be walking by and I yelped at him and asked him to inspect my back. I don't remember his response, probably due to shock.

And funnily enough, that was the second of such instances that has happened to me, the first involving a bee. I now wear tight jerseys. Never again.

That made me lol!

I think wasps are amazing. Superb design of nature.

i got two bee stings above my right nipple not 2 weeks ago.

was on the tail end of a long sweaty ride and not happy already.

little fucker even escaped before I could kill it with my bare hands...

When i was racing at herne hill the other day i felt a pain in my leg and looked down to see the fucker stuck in my leg writhing around. suffice to say it didn't help my performance.

Repped, made me chuckle.

Petrol vapour can explode, so this may be a bad idea. As a child however I had excellent results with a water-AK47 filled with white spirit, with a stick taped to it with a metal puncture repair kit tin at the end containing a lit white spirit soaked rag. The stream ignited as it passed over the rag.

I got a flame of about 2 meters, the downside being that the nozzle of the water pistol kept catching fire and eventually melted shut.

In a similar vein, I realised (unfortunately) during the latter part of my childhood that gas out of the cooker is great for all kinds of fun. All those years looking for stuff that was flammable or exploded!

You can fill a plastic bag with household gas and it will FLY like a regular balloon, it will also burst into an excellent ball of flames when ignited.

When i was racing at herne hill the other day i felt a pain in my leg and looked down to see the fucker stuck in my leg writhing around. suffice to say it didn't help my performance.

It was stuck in the hair wasnt it?

You should shave more.

#soeuro