In the news

They went outside. Ban the outside. Build a roof over everything

More importantly, the government are to approve mandatory censorship of pornographic material online... http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-23401076

What will they decide is too dangerous for me to view next?

This is positively terrifying. I would hope to see the ISPs telling Cameron to piss off.

ban governments

[reply censored by GCHQ]

They went outside. Ban the outside. Build a roof over everything

but they also spent time under roofs. ban roofs as well.

Ban reality

Nothing is safe

filters would make a difference, saying that the killers of schoolgirls April Jones and Tia Sharp had accessed legal pornography before moving on to images of child abuse.

The word waits for the birth of the royal baby

The killers waited with the world for the birth of the royal baby before going on to killing children

#toosoon?

WAC
I turned on the Guardian's Republican mode and haven't looked back
#goestocooklentils

The BBC reports Kensington Palace, not 2 miles away from me, announced her labour 4 hours ago. This coincided perfectly with me being woken by the angriest, loudest thunder I've ever heard clapping low and directly above my area.

Call me a quack, but the sun will fall and the moon will split in half once the baby's born. I can barely wait for the end of days.

Death's sweet release.

'Gone into labour' my arse!
'Started to hatch' more like.
Fucking Lizards!

Horse shit on floor in McDonalds
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-23403935

Can't see why a horse rider shouldn't get served in a drive thru.

Decent move by the owner to let the horse polished up the floor.

I turned up on a bike at a KFC drive through in Ashford and was refused service. Seems you need an engine to qualify

Nope. I've been through McDonald's Canning Town drive-thru on my bike. Never did see that date again though.

Look like cyclists aren't allowed due to their health and safety rules apparently.

Moped are allowed thought.

Makes sense... Not!

Anyone can slip on a discarded gherkin, but the safety of leathers and a helmet would cushion the soggy blow.

BBC news padding out the lunchtime broadcast asking randomers whether they think its a girl or a boy, riveting.

are they using graphics to show how much the cervix has dilated and how sweaty her brow is

the position of the young prince ( head or toe )

do they have very accurate computer graphics showing what it would look like as a girl / a boy aged 5 then 10 and again at 20

we need john snow and his swing - o - meter showing how in / out it is

I genuinely don't know what to say about this:

Conservatives sell our blood.

*Note this article was amended to remove the mistaken assertion that blood plasma supplies come from charitable donations. All plasma supplies come from US donors, who are paid $20 - $25 per donation. The reason that British blood is not used to create plasma products is the theoretical risk of CJD (human "mad cow disease") contamination. Boycotting the donation of blood in response to this story is not advised. Such actions would only undermine the already hard-pressed UK blood donation service, and would do nothing at all to diminish the profitability of the Bain Capital blood plasma business.

Never let the facts get in the way of a sensationalist headline...

but they are selling our blood

http://www.standard.co.uk/news/london/go-home-or-face-arrest-billboard-crackdown-on-illegal-immigration-8725724.html

Who need's the EDL when you've got Compassionate Conservatism?

Woman found dead in suitcase at Mill Hill sports ground. Apparently her death is being treated as murder...