Jokes / Joke du jour!

Finally! Recognition of my gag talents! ahem. I'm J C Murphy by the way

https://standupcards.com/decembers-open-mic-competition-winner/

Well played that man

Finally! Recognition of my gag talents! ahem. I'm J C Murphy by the way

https://standupcards.com/decembers-open-mic-competition-winner/

Well done.
However, if Mikey's joke managed to get second place there can't have been much competition.

Finally! Recognition of my gag talents! ahem. I'm J C Murphy by the way

https://standupcards.com/decembers-open-mic-competition-winner/

I nearly laughed at that.but not quite.

Well done.
However, if Mikey's joke managed to get second place there can't have been much competition.

Yeah you're right. that was fooking shite

My Grandad said to me: "Manchester United will win the Premiership this year."

"Tell me something I don't know,"I said.

He replied: "Your Nana's arse can take my entire fist."

Fail. Everyone knew that.

Fail. Everyone knew that.

Fail: I didn't though...

(Honest)

Don't blame yourself. It's the modern way - we assume everything like that is potatochopped.

we assume everything like that is potatochopped.

Is that the royal 'we' or are you really twins?

scouse keyboard..

1 Attachment

Is that the royal 'we' or are you really twins?

What's posh and yellow?

Is that the royal 'we' or are you really twins?

The latter. The " " key doe'nt work on my keyboard.

Just got kicked out of B&Q.
An assistant came over and asked if I wanted decking.
Luckily I got the first punch in.

David Hasselhoff calls his agent and demands, "I want everyone to call me The Hoff from now on."

His agent replies "Sure thing, no hassle"

Where's the punchline?

that is the punchline

David Hasselhoff calls his agent and demands, "I want everyone to call me The Hoff from now on."

His agent replies "Sure thing, no hassle"

Nice, very nice

Where's the punchline?

Give it time.

Ffs

As in he should have said, "Sure thing, The Hoff"?.

Which would mean, I'm supposed to believe that 'no hassle' is in some way a reference to The Hoff's proper surname?

I really don't get it.

So, the agent says "no hassle", which is almost, but not quite, like saying "No Hasselhoff", which would be the same as being called The Hoff, as he wants.

Right?

Its not funny if you have to explain it.

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

You wouldn't have heard of the number.

sure thing no hassel hoff would have been a good one i agree but

sure thing no hasssel is funny because they call him 'hassel' or a hasel in the office (i assume)
i read it like that thats why i found it funny if people laughed and didnt get it like that then your punchiline would make more sense.

but with no hassel hoff as an answer it would just sound like a tupid question - i think the joke needs some rewording as there definately a good joke in there.

i wish i could spell