Claim to Fame

I once had phonesex with Gail Porter

I used to have a massive thing for her when i was a lad... and she had hair.

^^I couldn't believe it when she popped up on Gok Wan

^ Euph?

• I'll go now...
  

I enjoyed writing that sentence very much

who's name is an anagram of 'go wank'

just so you know.

I met the chuckle brothers when I was 8 at a wedding, still got the photograph

^^I couldn't believe it when she popped up on Gok Wan

She's actually a nice lady, I've chatted to her a few times at her shop...

I met the chuckle brothers when I was 8 at a wedding, still got the photograph

Aren't you from Arrested Development (the tv programme, not the band)

not me!

Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-pots and pans...

I'm trying to build up a forum meme.

Aren't you from Arrested Development (the tv programme, not the band)

That's Mr.F

Did she go bald as soon as she got off the phone to you......what in heavens name did you say to that poor girl!?

Nipple rings and stuff, poledancing with lesbians....you know, the usual

Time for a list, here's my top ten so far, how dare the tagger say this is sad, just look at all the great things people have done:

1- I once gobbed into Joe Strummer's mouth.
2- my dad sat next to cliff richard on a plane once.
3- My Mum got jiggy with Steve Davis
4- i licked brian may's hair at the bar in the vip bit at brixton academy.
5- I once pissed on Quentin Tarrantino
6- I did a shit on one of the queens loos
7- I came home from college one day to find Keith Chegwin in our garden, trying to steal our cat.
8- I saw Phillip Schofield shitting into a plastic cup on the side of the A1.
9- I was on the billboard adverts for the Austin Maestro
10- My Great Auntie was killed by Jack The Ripper

Ok, father of footballer Ledley King stabbed my neighbour in the face.
I've still got the pictures of the tactical team storming her house though my garden...

I was once named as one of the twelve leading insurance and reinsurance lawyers in the world.

I told my mother. She was not impressed.

Aou're not THE cliveo? As in Clive "reinsurance guru" O and Clive "clients think the world of him" O according to Who's Who Legal? Gosh! we're presence of greatness here peoples. ;)

Painting on Tony Hart's gallery motherfuckers, yes, you heard, Tony Hart's gallery

Hey, me too!

tell me what your "prize" was and I'll believe you.

In those days my parents only knew one person with a video recorder, and they recorded the wrong fucking side so we never were able to get it for posterity. It was not one of my best pictures at all. And by the time it got on TV I had grown up a year so wasn't best pleased to be shown as a 5 year old artist when I was in fact 6! you know he these things matter to children.

I did copious amounts of class A drugs in the mayfair flat of a former prime minister, who happened to be passed out in an alcoholic stupor on the sofa opposite me, whilst me and my mates were making a bong out of a B&Q plumbing kit.

Name the PM or it never happened

The Sun said that, and i said show me 500k and i'll tell you - same deal for you pisti!

wilson, callagahan, thatcher, major, blair, brown.

i'm going for major.

Major lives in Vauxhall.

To be fair he had no idea what we were up to, and it was a long time ago. Its also something i would never make public, no matter how much cash was flashed.

On a lighter note Cladia Schiffer once asked me for a fag, and i told her to f off, then it was pointed out to me who she was and i proceeded to embarrass myself trying to get her to have a fag with me

Wait until Elguapo gets on this thread, for a little taster Twiggy babysat him when he was a kid and...

... his dad was on Sesame St!

wilson, callagahan, thatcher, major, blair, brown.

i'm going for major.

Wilson - a noted pisshead.

a bit weird, but:
I've given deep tissue massage to Martin Johnson, Lewis Moody, Josh Lewsey and Daley Thompson.

As you do.