Monkey Tennis

Mock the Wheat - Dara O'Briain unleashes his wit on wheat and other pulses.

An Audience With...Peter Sutcliffe

Brookside

Kelly Brook shows us different sides to her personality - this week Kelly shows us her lingerie modelling side (pilot episode)

Coronation Streak - Coronation Street's Malcolm Hebden attempts to streak every Man City & Man Utd match this season.

Britain’s Got Herpes – hard luck stories, itching and swollen genitalia, with a playful probing from judge Simon Cowell

The Streeps of San Fransisco.

Meryll Streep plays all the parts in this hard hitting and very blonde cop show.

BBC Breakfast: 2 Egg, 2 Bacon, 2 Sausage, Hash Browns, Beans, Tomato, Black Pudding, Toast, Tea or Coffee.

Wan Flew over the Cuckoos' nest

Irritating twat launched oved tall objects, weekly.

Slash in the Attic: No fuckers getting any sleep.

Tonight: Paradise City.

Casually.

Dostors and nurses saunter round A & E like they couldn't really give a fuck if the patient lives or dies.

Q Eye: Stephen fry lines up his eyeballs.

Dolby City

More hard hitting stories from the world of noise reduction - this week's episode: When De-essing goes wrong

Would I Lie To You - tonight, Michael Portillo

Casual Latte: Doctors and nurses saunter round A & E drinking coffee like they couldn't really give a fuck if the patient lives or dies.

Shaun the Sheep: Sean Bean scares the fuck out of people be pretending to be a sheep.

Most Taunted

Celebrities take it in turns to wander around in a dark place whilst being harangued by unseen critics

The Breakfast Club: 2 Egg, 2 Bacon, 2 Sausage, Hash Browns, Beans, Tomato, Black Pudding, Toast, Tea or Coffee in a club sandwich. Available on white, brown, granary, rye or pumpernickel.

Most Vaunted: Celebrities take it in turns to wander around in a dark place whilst making boastful remarks about how they're not scared.

Coach Trip.

Taking Acid on a diffrent bus route each week.

Springwatch

Join Rufus Hound and Tess Daly as they look at some springs - this week they look at a spring from an eighteenth century swiss watch

Coach Trip.

Taking Acid on a diffrent bus route each week.

done

Why I: Stephen Fry gouges out his eyeballs in frustration at fuckwitted Geordies.

Rig Brother - in the wake of the Deepwater Horizon disaster, BP raise safety standards by using reality TV contestants to man their remaining drilling platforms. Episode one - the contestants notice a leak and use the remains of Jade Goody as a 'junk shot' in an attempt to 'top kill' the well.

Casuality: Doctors and nurses saunter round A & E ignoring the death throes of their patients as they wrestle with relativistic questions of their injury's root causes.

Come Pine with me:

Late middle aged contestants go on cheap holidays to mediocre destinations where they talk to Judith Chalmers on camera about how much they wish that Jill Dando were still with us.