Only twats ride with worn cleats

A tragic, tragic story.
Treat yourself to a good sniff of some branded floor cleaner tonight Clive, not the cheap Tesco Value stuff; you've earned it.

Bottoms up and feel better!

So, when I came off my bike, the impact with the ground and my forward momentum, caused a rupture in the muscle of my left buttock. Not a tear as such but imagine the muscle splitting laterally as the outer part moves forward and the inner part stays still. Where the muscle separated, fluid consisting of blood, lymph and liquidated fat, poured into the gap and created a swelling. If this had been treated immediately, it could have been drained. I was told, however, that it would resolve itself and as a consequence, fibrous scar tissue formed around the fluid. The difficulty for the surgeon is to reunite the muscle. What he has done this time is to put in a lot of stitches and to fill the void with a bio glue. He then cut away the skin which, after a month of seeping and infection is very manky and has stapled that together.

The surgeon was excited to tell me that he had discovered that the condition had a name. Something like a Morrell rupture (but I have to confess that I was a little distracted at the time and have probably got the name slightly wrong). He said the problem was that there are around 200 different ways that are suggested for treating the condition which means that there is not one tried, tested and foolproof remedy. Apparently some methods include placing talcum powder into the wound to irritate the two sides and cause them to fuse, He didn't do this. I am not sure if I should be impressed or concerned that he told me that they had come up with the idea of using bio glue during the operation.

It is really sore. Much sorer than last time but this is because the procedure was more extreme and will, hopefully, work where the last procedure failed. I don't have a bag anymore and the dressing is simple and easy to do - well, because of its position, it is simple for MrsO to do, I cannot see round there. I had better let her know of her new nursing duties fairly soon.

I came out of the operation with a sudden drop in my blood pressure and on a drip to help restore it. I am feeling really crap, nauseous and yucky as a result of the anesthetic but hopefully that will go by tomorrow.

Fingers crossed that there will be no further infection. I am not sure if I could take that again.

Hope it's all successful cliveo.

When I read 'Morrell rupture', for some reason I immediately thought of The Island of Doctor Moreau. Maybe your arse is now the part of some grotesque animal/human medical experiment?

Just a thought.

We've never met (and now you would problably wish we never do) but get well soon, Sir, and thank you for your epic tale which will, no doubt, go down in the an(n)als of cycling folklore.

that rupture really mushroomed eh clive…

.......the end is just around the corner.....

Ha! I got it!

you probably should invest in leeches. or homeopathy.

Hope the bio glue works, Clive. Heal up soon!

You realise you will appear in a medical journal if this works, right?

Well, your **arse **will.

Anthology of Rectal Science and Ephemera

Clive I too have never met you but I sincerely appreciate the long drugged (I hope) description. One learns about the most interesting things in this forum - like what to expect the next time one falls off his bike.

Feel better and rest now so you ride faster later.

I really hope the operation is a success for you clive

+1

Good luck Clive.

Good luck Clive, hope this legendary saga comes to a happy end soon.

These look just the ticket:

[[B]Tsalagi beautiful buttocks bath salts[B] w/ Free Exfoliating Puff[/B]](http://www.drstandley.com/bathsalts_beautifulbuttocks.shtml)

[/B]**This bath is for healing those unsightly boils and acne on the buttocks. Use the exfoliating puff lightly on the buttocks.

**[B]During the bath:[/B]

• You may experience: anger, anxiety, depression, fear, grief, guilt, shame and sorrow.
  
• You may also experience: joy, sensational relaxation, insight, focus, clarity, intuitive breakthroughs and visits from angels or guides.
  
• **Others have reported being visited by Loved ones who have crossed over to God or had a soul contact while being embraced by the Light **
  
• If you feel a sense of urgency or panic while in the water, or a feeling overwhelming heat, get out of the bathtub and calm your body. Splash cold water on your face and put a cold washcloth around your neck and forehead. And sit down.
  

Wow Clive what a saga. I truly hope you bounce back. I don't think I have ever been this interested in a strangers buttocks. Maybe this is why Eastendenrs does so well....

Awrabest for the recovery. Will see you out at RP before you know it x

[B]During the bath:[/B]

[*]You may experience: anger, anxiety, depression, fear, grief, guilt, shame and sorrow.

YouTube- Spaced - Brian artist

Hope the recovery's going well, Clive... See ya soon... x

Well at least they have an explanation for everything. Nice to know that finally. I think I would be equally dubious about improvisational surgery techniques but hope that it works.

I am over the worst effects of the anesthetic but the wound is seeping far more that I was told it would. I was told that a dressing ought to last a couple of days and given six spares to cover the two weeks before my visit to the consultant. MrsO, whose patience is being tried, has had to go off to buy some new ones as I am already running out. If I lie on my right side, it doesn't seep so much and so that is what I am doing. It is very dull.

Morel-Lavallee lesion

Hope you see improvement soon!

sounds like an R&B artist