"Doctor doctor, I've got diaorrhea"
"When did you find out about this?"
"When I took off my cycle clips"

been chatting to a 14 year old girl on the internet, she is funny, sexy and flirty.......now she tells me she is an undercover cop....how cool is that at her age?

two flys on a toilet seat arguing, one says to the other, 'think i'm gonna get pissed off in a minute!!!'

URGENT MESSAGE FROM THE U.S. GOVERNMENT

All white people to report to the cotton fields
7am sharp tomorrow.

i'll finish that one with this nugget:

oh ..... NSFW

Repped ;-)

How much dos a cockney pay for his shampoo?

Pantene.

I tried..

hhahahaha that's well funny!

hahaha

Three girl friends have met up for their weekly meal together and are discussing their relationships.
One of them is engaged, one is a mistress and the other is married.

They decide that to try and surprise their men that night
all three will dress up in a leather S&M style bodice, red stilettos and a mask.

The next week they meet up again and compare their experiences.

The engaged girl says, ‘The other night, when my fiance came home, he found me in the leather bodice, the high red stilettos and mask covering my eyes. As soon as he
saw me he grabbed me saying “I love you” and carried me upstairs where we made love all night.’

The mistress says, ‘I went up to my lover’s hotel room where he was waiting for me and knocked on the door. I was wearing the leather bodice, the red stilettos, and the mask, with my fur coat on top. When I entered the room and dropped my coat to the floor, he said “Wow” and we made love all night.

The married girl say ‘Hmmph, I got myself dressed up the same as you two, leather bodice, red stilettos and mask over my eyes and waited for my husband to get home from work.”

“He opened the door, came in and said “Evening Batman, what’s for dinner?”

A visitor to a mental institution asked the director how it was decided which patients should be kept in and which were ready to be discharged.

The director said: ”Well, we fill up a bath, then offer the patient a teaspoon, a teacup or a bucket and ask them to empty the bathtub”.

The visitor said, “Oh, I see, and of course a normal person would chose the bucket because it’s the biggest”.

The director said: “No! A normal person would pull the plug out.”

“Would you like a bed near the window?”

Paddy and his two friends, Bill and Simon, are talking at a bar.

Bill says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician.”

“What makes you think that?” asks Paddy.

“Well the other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.”

Simon then says: “Same with me! I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber.”

“The other day I found a wrench under the bed and that wasn’t mine.”

“That’s all three of us then,” says Paddy: “I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.”

Bill and Simon look at him with utter disbelief.

“No, I’m serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.”

Little Johnny has been playing at his friend Mary’s house all afternoon when Mary’s mother brings Johnny home, and she looks very angry.

Mary’s mother says: “I caught your son playing docotrs and nurses with my poor little daughter”.

Johnny’s mother replies: “Let’s not be too harsh on them. They are bound to be curious about sex at that age.”

“Curious about sex?!” Replies Mary’s mother. “He’s taken her appendix out!”

1st one's the best Rusty

Little Johnny has been playing at his friend Mary’s house all afternoon when Mary’s mother brings Johnny home, and she looks very angry.

Mary’s mother says: “I caught your son playing docotrs and nurses with my poor little daughter”.

Johnny’s mother replies: “Let’s not be too harsh on them. They are bound to be curious about sex at that age.”

“Curious about sex?!” Replies Mary’s mother. “He’s taken her appendix out!”

http://www.londonfgss.com/thread9150.html
Post #13. Last August...
Hardly ce jour.

Q Why did the bicycle keep yawning ?

A It was two tyre-d

Apologies......

ok, i don't speak the language and have no idea whats going down here or that it should even be in this thread, but i have to share the interwebs with y'all:

^Campaign to raise awareness of childhood incontinence?

koga ad?

something to do with cheese?

Two deaf people got married. During the first week of marriage, they found they were unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn the lights off because they cant see each other using sign language.

After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.

"Honey," she signs, "Why dont we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time."

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis....fifty times."

tee hee ^

Have you heard about Pedigree Chum?

They've gone into administration.

Unfortunately, they've had to call in the retrievers..

A very loud, very unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart
with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the
entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly 'Good morning, and welcome to
Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no they ain't.
The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think
they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'

'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,' replied the greeter. 'I just
couldn't believe you got laid twice. Have a good day and thank you for
shopping at Wal-Mart.'