Jokes / Joke du jour!

A duck walks into a cosmetics store and asks for some lipstick. Girl behind the counter replies "sure, I'll put it on your bill."

Heavy session last night, I drunk 10 pints of yoghurt.... woke up this morning and I was still well mullered!

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said, "morning."
He replied, "No, just having a shit."

haaaaaahaaaa^^^^^^^^^^^

why did the baker have brown hands?

he kneaded a poo

why does captain kirk's wife smell?

cos william SHAT-ner

Q: what do you call cheese that isn't yours?

A: nacho cheese.

My girlfriend asked me to give her nine inches and make her bleed.

So I shagged her three times and punched her

what do you call a vegan who wanks?

non-dairy creamer

dear oh dear guys.

my joke is the funniest

you're right. i like the one about george michael and wellington boots too ^

What do george michaels and a washing machine have in common?

They're both turned on by a knob.

not feeling that one so much...

:(

A horse walk into a bar. Barman says "why the long face?"

Whats the worse thing about riding geared...

telling your mum and dad you're gay.

A horse walk into a bar. Barman says "why the long face?"

The horse replied, "I had to pull a fucking heavy cartload of beer for thirty miles just so these ignorant drunken bastards can keep pissing, and all I got at the far end was some fucking hay. Now shut the fuck up and get me a scotch."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbAJJ1mw9go

http://www.youtube.com/v/hVO_WSNEtTY&hl=en

whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

anyone can roast beef

News from Mac rumors:

Reports suggest apple are soon to be bringing out a new music player designed specifically for children. The new device will be similar to a standard iTouch, but will be brightly coloured, more robust and have a more simple user interface.

Early reports suggest the device will be called the iTouch Kids.

Michael Jackson has been linked to a possible sponsorship deal

http://www.apple.com/itouchkids/

Did you hear the one about the three eggs?

Two bad!

Two oranges walk in to a bar........one says to the other.......your round!