Jokes / Joke du jour!

I used to date an English teacher: the sex was great but we broke up because she got annoyed by my improper use of the colon.

Three logicians walk into a bar in Texas.

Barman: Howdy, folks. Would y'all like a drink?
1st logician: I don't know,
2nd logician: I don't know.
3rd logician: Yes!

Possibly a bit niche.

The marathon runners union has finally accepted the pay rise offered by the management
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Their press office said they were delighted this long running dispute is over

When I was a lad I was blessed with an 8 inch cock.

Unfortunately it belonged to Father O'Mally.

Way over my head. Is Texas relevant!? (Please explain)

Texas for the “y’all” as in “all three of you”

First one thinks “I’d like a drink but I don’t know about these two cowboys, so I can’t say we all do”

Second one thinks “I’d like a drink, and because I know how these logicians think I can tell that #1 wants a drink, but I don’t know about that last chap, so I can’t say we all do”

Third guy says “if either of these other two didn’t want a drink they’d have known that we didn’t all want a drink, and neither of them said “no we’all don’t want a drink” so they both do want drinks and I want one too so yeah buddy we all want a drink”

Nothing like ruining a joke with an explanation

Weeeelll, it's a formal logic joke. Texas is a detail I added because it's important that the barman say some form of "would everyone like a drink" but the way it's normally told, it sounds forced.

The first logician doesn't know if everyone wants a drink. There's only one way he couldn't be sure that the answer is "No". The second logician has more information but still not enough - and there's only one way he couldn't be sure. After hearing the other two answers, the third logician knows with confidence what everybody wants and says "yes".

Edit: see, t.o. got it. Must be accessible.

I feel the E B White quote on jokes and frog dissecting is relevant here.

Haha fair but I feel maligned

Well I enjoy it now, so frogs can suck it

Thanks all

Wide-mouthed frogs?

Killing the frog "in the process" is just brutal

a friend of mine who has devoted her life to reducing traffic congestion in towns has been rushed to hospital with heart problems
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she'll be having bypass surgery later

Bypasses actually increase traffic, maybe it was realising this that triggered it

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There's a new documentary on Netflix about the history of Rolex.

Apparently it's a good watch.

There's a new documentary on Netflix about the history of textile samples

Apparently it's a good swatch

Talking of documentaries , I watched a documentary about how the blind navigate their surroundings.
It was touching stuff.

and also a short film about how metal plates were joined together on ships.
It was riveting.

Saw a documentary on how they silence car exhausts.

It was baffling.

I saw one that discussed the best way to make a tunnel.

It was boring.

I heard on a podcast about an alternative to antidepressants

It's Shocking

I saw one of those true crime programs about how the French bakery murderer killed and stuffed his victims.

It was painfull.