Jokes / Joke du jour!

County Drum is a ceremonial county in North East England.

He's right you know.

A ski instructor friend of mine has lost their job due to alcohol dependency
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They were piste all the time

Surely they were off piste all the time 😉

My ignore list now reads:

JAH-tim
JAHtim

A friend of mine has been telling jokes about mountains
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They're hill areas

A ski instructor friend of mine has been struggling with mental health issues.
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He's was fine this morning then this afternoon he went downhill quickly

Same

A friend of mine went to a yodelling exhibition
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in order to gain entry they had to form an orderly, orderly, orderly e queue

please stop

I liked the equivalent but more slapstick version of, if I recall correctly, "My grandfather always enjoyed good health until he started smearing himself in vaseline. Then he went downhill fast."

Milton Jones (probably amongst others) would tell that one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-N0dg8pFCA

@1:45

Thirded

An alcoholic exorcist friend of mine says business is booming
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He guarantees to make the spirits disappear

A friend of mine told me sandwiches, sausage rolls, scotch eggs, quiche and Vol-au-vents have just landed in her garden
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She's been buffeted by storm eunice

A friend of mine said that with storm eunice raging her husband can't stop looking through the windows
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She's promising to let him back indoors soon

Emperor Claudius and his four legions arrive at the Kent coast and can't believe how awful the weather is.
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The emperor asks ' is this some sort of rain ? '
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The four legions all shout in unison ' hail Caesar '

Elton John's had his reading device blown away by Storm Eunice.

Like a Kindle in the wind.

Elton John has told his wig manufacturer that if his hair piece doesn't suvive storm eunice .... they'll be hell toupé

Storm eunice has damaged my local fromagerie
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There's de-brie everywhere

The advancing russian troops are behind schedule after facing stiff resistance from Ukrainian troops defending the viagra factory

What's the difference between Republicans and Ukrainians?

Ukrainians will defend their Capitol.

Spicy and topical

My wife failed her Aboriginal music exam when she was younger. I asked her “did you redo it?”

Stallone: I'm making a movie about composers. I'm playing Beethoven.
Van Damme: I'll be Mozart.
Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys, I'm not saying it.

"Waiter, waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?"

"Sir, I believe he's sharing his Wordle results."

A magpie tries to order a drink.

Barman asks "how did you get in here?"

"Crowbar?"

"Exactly, on your way now."