Jokes / Joke du jour!

There's been some absolute wrong'ns born there.

A friend of mine has got through to the final of the vampire championships
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It's gonna be close they're currently neck and neck

What is Count Dracula's favourite circus act?
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He always goes for the juggler!

A vampire friend of mine has just tested positive for covid
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They can't stop coffin

A zombie friend of mine called in sick today
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They said they were feeling rotten

What did Greta Thunberg dress up as for Halloween?

An eek-ologist.

The Glasgow COP26 is not a patch on the Beverly Hills COP3

A yoga teacher friend of mine has been declared bankrupt
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They'd overstretched themself

A friend of mine did really well in their fireworks exam
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They passed with flying colours

A fireworks manufacturer friend of mine has anger management issues
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They've got a really short fuse

Just spent £300 tae hire a limousine and discovered that the fee disnae include a driver!
Cannae believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing tae chauffer it.

Love it.

Appropriated.

Repost!
https://www.lfgss.com/comments/14950625/

Damn! Scottish version though.

My surname is Baker. If I enjoy a tasty pastry is that nomnominative determinism?

I got a pack of dried poblano chilis out of the cupboard and said no one else could have any. When my partner complained and said she had bought them. I said “doesn’t matter, these ancho chillis”.

The more convoluted the setup, the more I like the joke.

In the supermarket this morning, there's an old lady in front of me at the checkout, her card has been declined. Seeing as she only has a small basket, and it is #WorldKindnessDay, I ask if I can help.

Between the two of us, we get everything back on the shelves in no time.

Lol!

I suppose the rendering could be simpler, but it was based on Real Life Events.
Maybe:
What kind of chillies can never be yours?
These ancho chillies.

I still prefer the good old this is nacho cheese version.

Ha ha ha! 😝

A friend of mine was threatened violently by someone who works in a meat pie factory
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They were charged with a fray bentos

My wife texted me this morning saying “Your the best!”; I responded “No, you’re the best!”.

She’s been so happy all day that I don’t have the heart to tell her that I was only correcting her grammar.

Children In Need just had me in tears...

Ed Sheeran came on, and i couldn't find the remote